I'm Not a Boy, Not Yet a Man

William Regal kisses Vince McMahon's ass and "Nature Boy" Ric Flair returns on Raw. God, I love wrestling. Whoo!

The main event for WWF Vengeance December 9 in San Diego will be a title unification match between the winners of The Rock vs. Chris Jericho and Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle.

Cake's latest video, a clip for "Love You Madly," off Comfort Eagle, spoofs the cult Japanese cooking show Iron Chef and features Cake drummer Pete McNeal and trumpeter/keyboardist Vince Di Fiore facing off over a pumpkin dish. McNeal and Di Fiore really cooked the dishes and were not acting when they watched carefully as judges critiqued their finished products. Only one of the judges, however, is an actual food expert: the Frugal Gourmet Jeff Smith. The others were actress Phyllis Diller and "Super Freak" singer Rick James.

"MTV sucks." How many times have you heard that?

Look, MTV is no more mainstream than Rolling Stone, and people buy up that "music" magazine (I wonder why). Where's the love for MTV? Let's be honest. As much as you hate MTV, you still watch it, because there's always something on. It may not be particularly good, but hey, it's something. What other television channel specifically caters to the ENTIRE 12-24 demographic? BET, Cartoon Network, Comedy Central, and ESPN are acquired tastes. MTV, on the other hand, goes with anything. For every TRL, there's a Jackass to compensate. Okay, so MTV's not exactly "music television" anymore, but its target audience still comes back time and again. It must be doing something right. I like to think of MTV as a horrible accident on the side of a road that you just have to slow down and check out.

The classic complaint is that MTV doesn't play videos anymore. Bull-SHIT!!! Not to sound crass, but ever since the 9-11 attacks, MTV has been playing more videos than ever, and not just the popular ones. Hell, I saw a Pinehurst Kids video on MTV the other day. How cool is that? Wait. Maybe it was MTV2… No matter. Yeah, MTV has its faults (censors!), but I think my generation (myself included) has a noxious tendency to write off the channel without first accepting it for what it is – the mass entertainment equivalent of a paperback novel on sale in an airport.

Fuck. I hate when I write in the passive voice.

I've been meaning to plug a site that Elvin showed me back in high school. Somewhere in Missourah, a dumpy white guy and his friends review music videos on eMpTyV. For example, here's what one reviewer has to say about the video for "Forever" by Kid Rock:

"Just what the world needs, a patriotic Kid Rock to assure us everything's alright in America, that we can go back to our malt liquor and trailer parks and anonymous sex with tattooed bitches. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, if that's your lifestyle. Many millions of Americans enjoy anonymous sex with tattooed bitches.) And, to help us all out, Kid Rock is throwing a party in downtown Detroit, where – the screen tells us – it's 30 degrees Fahrenheit. The citizens of Motown U.S.A. are only too happy to brave the cold for a look at Kid Rock's off-white navel and a few dancing strippers. 'I make hard rock / And I mix it with the hip-hop,' goes the chorus to 'Forever,' and it's about as original as the dozens of American flags bouncing around the video."

Don't be deceived by the site's outdated interface; it's usually updated every week. Oh and the archive is peachy keen. Enjoy.

Seann William Scott is set to star opposite Chow Yun-Fat in the Paul Hunter-directed Bulletproof Monk. The story, based on the cult comic of the same name, centers on a Tibetan martial arts master (Yun-Fat) who becomes mentor to an urban kid (Scott). Since when is Seann William Scott urban? He's from Minnesota. Nobody from Minnesota is urban. They like baseball. I rest my case.

According to a report out of the UK, Courtney Love is planning to sue Eminem over his DVD cartoon The Slim Shady Show. Love is apparently upset over a cartoon that shows her late husband Kurt Cobain with half his face missing. Cobain died from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head in 1994.

P. Diddy has admitted that he's a fan of Brit band Coldplay. Apparently, the Puffster was hooked after listening to Coldplay's debut album, Parachutes. Here's what Puffy had to say about the band: "The whole melancholy, emotional vibe, [singer Chris Martin's] wearing his heart right out there. It's unmanlike. It's so strong. It made me feel like how people really feel, and they hide their feelings. It was brave."

In other news, Eminem has admitted that he's a big fan of Hole.

From the "did you see Freddy Got Fingered?" department, Tom Green is developing a half-hour variety series for the WB Network set in the world of skateboarding. The program will include reality-based comedy bits featuring professional skateboarders "getting into all sorts of crazy and wacky adventures in different parts of the world," as well as studio segments before a live audience, Green said. Phil Giroux, one of Green's sidekicks on The Tom Green Show, will write for the WB show and be an on-camera presenter and studio co-host. A different skateboarder will partner with Giroux every week as guest co-host. Green also will appear in studio as a guest. Oh man… Poor professional skateboarders…

I'm not going home for Thanksgiving because of the Extended Midget Tour in Long Beach on Friday, so home decided to coming down here. Yes, my family is driving down from the Bay Area today in order to spend Thanksgiving with me at my cousin's house. Weeeeee! I can't wait until they find out about the Gamecube. I've been getting a lot of shit over my impulsive Gamecube purchase, and I don't know who to believe: Jord or the rest of the world. I think in the end, I'm-a hold onto my game-less Gamecube, and not because I'm Jord's little bitch. I kinda wanna play Super Smash Bros. Melee and Dinosaur Planet. I might be wrong, I might even be the world's easiest pushover, but I'll be damned if the Gamecube doesn't look real good sitting next to my Game Boy Advance, Game Boy Color, Nintendo 64, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, and Nintendo Entertainment System. For an infrequent gamer, it's pathetic that I own all this shit. Eh. Sucks to be Yu.

double feature!
home built chastity belts and devices
just for fun

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