"I don't care much about my opinions. I find them tiresome and predictable." – Leonard Cohen
Oh man… I'm not particularly worried about a bioterrorism attack in southern California. First of all, nobody sends me any mail. Secondly, I learned in a class on bioterrorism last spring that the most effective way to disseminate a biological weapon, be it anthrax or smallpox, is to release a fine powder form of the infectant amidst a large outdoor crowd or package that very powder in a jar, throw the jar in a subway tunnel, and let the wind chunnel entailed in a subway system spread the joy. [cough] Los Angeles does not have a professional football team, nobody gives a fuck about the Dodgers, and public transportation here is a joke. I rest my case.
I fuckin' hate the Los Angeles Metro bus system. No, I take that back. I fuckin' hate not having a car because I always find myself playing Russian roulette with the Metro. Will the bus come? Will the bus come…on time? If the bus does come, will it go faster than 10 mph? Goddammit! Fuck the Metro. I wouldn't have to deal with the stupid 2 bus were it not for Resfest.
Resfest, a digital film festival, hits Hollywood this weekend. Why study for midterms when you can watch music videos in a movie theater? Visual-oriented music videos too. None of this TRL dancing shit. It was so cool. Take a look at this year's Cinema Electronica program to understand why:
"Actionist Respoke" – Mouse on Mars
"Aerodynamic" – Daft Punk
"As Days Go By" – Dirty Vegas
"The Beamer" – Spacer
"Four Ton Mantis" – Amon Tobin
"Italian Waffles" – Mujaji
"Jazz Overload" – Tino
"Juxtapozed with U" – Super Furry Animals
"Midfield General" – Midfielding
"19-2000" – Gorillaz
"Oi" – Orbital
"Pyramid Song" – Radiohead
"Scratched" – Etienne de Crecy
"The Second Line" – Clinic
"Some Kind of Kink" – Red Snapper
"Weapon of Choice" – Fatboy Slim
"Ya Mama" – Fatboy Slim
red = my favorites
I saw the uncensored version of Gorillaz' "19-2000" video and the Fatboy Slim "Ya Mama" video that was inexplicably banned from MTV. YOU didn't. Nyuck…nyuck.
To pay my dues to Mr. Bob (finally), I also secured tickets for Saturday night's Resfest presentation of Doug Pray's Scratch, a documentary that traces the creation of turntablism through interviews and performances by the DJs behind the movement, including QBert, DJ Shadow, Mix Master Mike, and Cut Chemist. Scheduling conflicts, however, prevent me from attending the one other Resfest program that looked interesting – a screening of the best movie title sequences of 2000 and 2001.
It's disturbing how shady Hollywood is. Everybody was asking me for cigarettes tonight. No, I don't have any cigarettes. Do I look Korean?
The UCLA Daily Bruin newspaper has a sex column in the viewpoint pages wherein "knowledgeable" journalists proselytize about, well, sex. Recently, for example, some ugly female writer elucidated the benefits of stimulating your anus during masturbation. See, this is why I stopped writing for student newspapers after high school. If you're gonna be stupid, at least have the decency to do it on the internet. Today, I opened up the Daily Bruin and saw the sex columnists at work again, infiltrating a battlefield of wartime editorials to rave about the latest fad diet: penis. "With 5 calories a serving, ample protein, sperm does a body good." Such professionalism.
This horrible rash broke out in my genital region this week. Unless my pillow has herpes, I can't explain it, and it's just become increasingly redder and itchier by the day. I need some hydrocortisone.
Okay, I don't think Survivor diet Friday is such a good idea anymore. Last week, I fucked up my gums in a futile attempt to glean blood and today, I subjected myself to plain oatmeal only because I couldn't find alternative substitutes for the grain mush shit our survivors ate last night on television. I'm gonna give this diet project one more week before I simply vote myself off supermodel insanity.
(310) 267-6150. Call me, Shakira.
America's favorite quarter-Asian couple Greg and Katy plan to dress up as Ja Rule and J. Lo for Halloween. I was informed that Greg would don a doo rag and wife beater, then drop trou and E for an instant Ja Rule look, while Katy would slut her stuff in a meticulously assembled J. Lo outfit hanging on a body slathered in bronzer for that faux Puerto Rican tan. [pause] How can I possibly compete? I can't, so this Halloween, watch me shave my head and douse myself in fake blood. Why shave my head too? Because I've watched enough wrestling to know that bald men bleed best. Yes, it's an unoriginal stunt, and yes, it's tasteless, but hey, I'm lazy, I'm cheap, and I figure it's gotta enhance the experience of taking lecture notes somehow. Happy Halloween.
