Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing history in the making. The images you see here are the first commissioned photographs of me in two years. I may not be wearing a Jigglypuff costume or disguised as a black guy named Joshua, but I tried real…
Date Archives October 2001
I'll Kill Your Cat, You Kill My Dog
Jon: Hornblower, what does the color of this Telcobox kid's hair look like to you? Rory: Um…desert freshness? Jon: No no no. What does the color of his hair look like? [nudge nudge wink wink] Rory: Cool, refreshing autumn? Jon: NO. Look at it! What…
Official Chemical Visual Missile
I wanted to do something special for the Halloweenie Roast this year, so I decided to exhume a classic Adam Riff™ feature, updated and digitally remastered for your enjoyment. Without further ado, this is… I am going to hell. I saw the documentary Scratch tonight…
Irritable Vowel Syndrome
"I don't care much about my opinions. I find them tiresome and predictable." – Leonard Cohen Oh man… I'm not particularly worried about a bioterrorism attack in southern California. First of all, nobody sends me any mail. Secondly, I learned in a class on bioterrorism…
Asian Orange
I read that all-American Stickboy wants to attend USC. That's cool. I mean, USC is a good school…for me to poop on, but hey, it's his prerogative to blow thousands of dollars seeking higher education in the ghetto. Didn't you learn anything from the Godfather…
Black Gass, Cleveland Steamer
Can two dumpy guys on acoustic guitars performing songs with titles like "Fuck Her Gently" and "Kielbasa Sausage" draw a responsive audience? Apparently, yes. Wednesday night, in front of an sold-out hometown crowd, Tenacious D made a case for why they just might be the…
Intermission
"In the year 2000…a college student will take his first puff of marijuana and realize that 'soy milk' in Spanish means 'I am milk.' He will then laugh…for six solid hours." Colin IMed me last night: "Give it up, Jon. This Telcobox thing is gettin'…
Birth of a Fuckstick (Part II)
Partly cloudy, 82% chance of rain… Aaron: Get out of the van! Out! Driver: Jesus Christ, man. Don't shoot me! Aaron: Step away! Turn around. Put your hands on your head! What are you doing here? Driver: I'm just delivering a package, man. I got…
Birth of a Fuckstick (Part I)
The calm before the storm… "Philip Glass Does AIM" Rory Hornblower: hello serrablue: brb phone TheX40: heh TheX40: uh drawoH: okay drawoH: well serrablue: brb phone S U P A Pedro: =O Rory Hornblower: the fuck is wrong with you, mom? Sum 41: abortion Sum…