I Believe I Can Fly

Well, my attempt to exploit the "9-1-1 crashes" was a total flop. How am I supposed to win the Pulitzer Prize for investigative cynicism now? I've taken shits more eventful than what happened yesterday. Added security measures, my ass. I don't think having the scary black man responsible for "male check" molest me slightly more with a metal detector is much of a crackdown on terrorism, especially at a major market airport. It was basically just like every other airport experience I've had, except that check-in took longer. One hour and fifteen minutes! My actual flight was shorter than the check-in wait. Sheesh. Everything, for the most part, went so smoothly yesterday that at one point, I began to panic that September 15 (at LAX, of all places!) might end up being one of my top five airport experiences. That's when I heard the word I wanted to hear: DELAYED. Hooray for delays. It may have been a mere 45-minute delay, but it was a delay nonetheless. I wish I could be one of those people at times like these shown on the local news spending a night at the airport though. Oh well.

There's a famous Saturday Night Live sketch where John Belushi plays the cook in a diner that only serves cheeseburgers and Pepsi. Antics ensue when customers try to order other food. "No [insert other food]! Only cheeseburger and Pepsi!"

If you can believe it, the McDonald's in my terminal yesterday was worse than that diner. There was NO soda, and the limited menu gradually became more limited as the day went on. I had a hamburger and orange juice for lunch. Yummy.

Mineta better re-evaluate his strategy.

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