New York, NY, April 20 (AP) – In a move that rocked the Street today, Bert and Ernie announced that they had merged to form Bernie, a giant conglomeration of felt that will move them into the number two spot, past Big Bird and just…
Date Archives September 2001
Proverbial Crimson Mask
"The French phrase 'le petit mort' translated literally into English means 'the little death.' In French, however, 'le petit mort' means 'orgasm.' So, the next time somebody tells you that they want to die in your arms, watch out." This opener was brought to you…
Confucious Say
Jon: Hello, everybody. My name is Jonathan. Welcome to comic strip anonymous. Rory: H to the izz-O! V to the izz-A! Fo' shizzle my nizzle used to drib- Jon: Hornblower! Do you mind? Rory: What's goin' on here? Another one of your rehab study groups?…
Police Academy 8
Jack: I've been doin' cock pushups. Kyle: Cock pushups? Jack: Yeah. Kyle: What are those? Jack: It's where you fuckin' lay down flat on the ground… Kyle: Yeah… Jack: …and then you let your boner lift you up off the ground. Kyle: NO! No…that's…that'd be…
Enter Sandman
Breaking news: Tenacious D's self-titled debut record was semi-recalled yesterday, its release date, due to complaints by stores who found the "satanic" cover art objectionable. The offended sent their shipments of the record back. Expect a rereleased Tenacious D record with new cover art in…
God Bless Us All…Right in the Mouth
D'oh! Tomorrow is Tuesday. What to do? Shall I watch the complete first season of The Simpsons on DVD? How about I watch Kurt Angle get DQed in his WWF Championship match against "Stone Cold" Steve Austin on the WWF Summer Slam 2001 DVD? Eh,…
Big Green Monkey
Well, fuck. I think I installed Windows XP twice on my computer. This can't be good. I now have the privilege of choosing between the XP upgrade and the XP complete every time I turn on my computer. Whoo! At least installation worked. Howard mocks…
Jonathan Yu: A Tribute to Me
God bless…movie theaters. "On the Long Island Expressway there are lanes going east, lanes going west, and lanes going straight to hell." I saw L.I.E. tonight. It was a solid, if faulty, coming-of-age movie that was sadly rated NC-17 simply for exploring relationships between man…
Plagiarism to the Flag
Notes on my short, unproductive autumn vacation: I HATE Los Altos Hills, both the actual hills of Los Altos and the city of the same name. I don't know why anybody would want to live in the bourgeoisie boondocks of Northern California. For one thing,…