Holla!

I'm tired.

I'm tired of running a website that nobody visits. I'm tired of exhausting my creative energy for the amusement of none. I've tired of this generic layout. I'm tired of having to pay Geocities to host the North Dakota of the internet.

I'm tired of coming off as a fucking idiot online. I'm tired of putting my foot in my mouth every time I type. I'm tired of unintentionally saying all the wrong things on AIM and getting blocked for doing so. I'm tired of alienating people in this horribly impersonal medium. I'm tired of trying so hard to be liked and failing miserably.

I'm tired of feeling like shit.

Yes, I'm a prude. Yes, I'm no fun. There'll be no hedonism for me, because I feel like shit when I engage in such behavior, and I don't need to feel shittier than I already am on a daily basis. Sorry about the inconvenience.

I'm tired of my body. I'm tired of the chicken legs. I'm tired of the Dumbo ears. I'm tired of the hairy nipples. I'm tired of the birthmark on my left armpit.

I'm tired of me.

I'm tired of dealing with my past. I'm even more tired of dealing with my future. I'm tired of growing up. I'm tired of self-respect. I'm tired of insecurity. I'm tired of girls. I'm tired of being their therapist. I'm tired of having nothing to say to Ashley Sasaki when I see her at a dining hall.

I'm tired of being associated with "freedom of speech." I'm tired of people who play the "freedom of speech" card. To me, "freedom of speech" is a lie. Everything I say and do is carefully calculated in order to avoid the consequences of too much "freedom of speech."

I'm tired of fighting religion. I'm tired of how fashionable it is nowadays to be atheist or agnostic in high school. I'm tired of losing faith in humanity. I used to care, but things have changed.

I'm tired of school. I'm tired of not having a car. I'm tired of Los Angeles. I'm tired of California.

I'm tired of the environment. I'm tired of activism. I'm tired of boycotts. I'm tired of protests. I'm especially tired of anarchists. If you don't like America…move! I hear they have plenty of vacancies in the Middle East.

I'm tired of the internet. I'm tired of extended periods of boredom. I'm tired of sex with your mom.

I'm tired of gay pride parades. I'm tired of women's basketball. I'm tired of Koreans always thinking they're black. I'm tired of people blasting bands for "selling out." What band, in their right mind, doesn't want to become rich and famous?

I'm tired of never hearing my name and the word "friend" in the same sentence. I'm tired of never hearing from anybody at all. I'm tired of friendship. I'm tired of philanthropy with no payoff. I'm tired of being this tired.

I'm tired of disconnecting myself from my family.

I'm tired of writing. Goodbye.

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