Fuck Macromedia Dreamweaver (and Frontpage), y'all. 'Less y'all rep'sentin' fo' all th' hand-codin' pimps out there, fuck res' y'all.

It's amazing what you can find scrawled on toilet stalls in public restrooms. The following are actual toilet stall brain droppings that I collected over several shits in public:

continue with 2 words:
one day
I touched
a young
cow's cock
that's a cock & bull story!
why did
Batman throw
his life
into prostitution
no solution
then Robin
"boy friend"
he unzipped
yo mama's
left tit
grow up
and fuck her

Fuck cell phones.
No, it hurts.

Fuck UCLA. What a bunch of crap this school is. All UCLA is is a bunch of cell-phone-using uptight wannabe unoriginal posers trying to copy GAP & Abercrombie commercials. The only good thing about UCLA is that the bitches are easy to fuck. Besides good sluts, I'd take UCSD over this polluted shithole anyday. P.S. Don't tell all the good sluts that I dissed UCLA. As soon as I say I like this school, all of their titties get hard and they begin to rub my SAN DIEGO cock.

I am a girl wacking off in this men's room. I'm soo horny!

If you see any "boys," slap them. Only men shit here!

Men, don't ever get married. Don't even think about it!
Why not? I love fucking wives!

Some come here to sit and think.
Some come here to shit and stink.
Some come here to scratch their balls,
and write bullshit on the walls.

That's a booger! =)
(scrawled under a booger taped to the door)

Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

Call (310) 443-8969 for a good time. Ask for D.B. Guys only!

I was about to call D.B. to see if he would give me a rimjob but I realized that I have lots more post to write. Oh well. Work comes before play.

Last week, I made fun of the MTV show Becoming, where a sorority girl pretended to be Britney Spears for a half-hour. Could it get any worse? Yes. This week's Becoming saw five boys pretend to be Limp Bizkit. You HAVE to see this episode.

How the fuck do blind people read braille? It's bewildering how they can just glean information simply by moving their finger over a bunch of raised dots. Whenever I try reading braille, all I glean is that my finger is touching a bunch of dots and I don't know what the fuck it means.

I love how they have braille on signs at movie theaters.

I'm a second-year college student and sadly, I still have to deal with acne. It's never total breakouts either, just one or two fat fuckin' zits. If anything, suffering from a few pimples is worse than a total breakout because it's more noticeable, and playing connect-the-dots sucks. Usually, you end up with a line, or a triangle if you're lucky.

I also sweat profusely. I'm talkin' all over the face and most of the body. I'll be totally dry at the foot of a staircase but you can bet your ass that once I finish climbing those stairs I'll be as damp as a Mexican toddler who just got off work. Now, you can imagine what I'm like in bed. Rahr!

I hate women who use shitloads of hairspray, so much that the chemicals form an unbreathable one-mile radius around them. Your natural hair must be pretty damn ugly if you have to douse it in hairspray. Whenever I smell one of these chicks, I'm tempted to run up to them and set their hair on fire.

When I was young, the greatest thing in the world was mixing sodas. My dad would take me to Burger King and I'd go to the beverage bar and put Coca Cola, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and orange soda into the same cup and then proudly drink my sugary puce-colored concoction down. In retrospect, what was I thinking? That shit is nasty!

True story: my boss lives in Burbank and his neighbors were four twenty-something guys living in the same house. About a month ago, two of them – a gay couple – shot each other to death. And if that wasn't creepy enough, last week, the remaining two hung themselves. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood…

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