1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 No Backsies

Recently, Entertainment Weekly published its annual It List, showcasing the "100 most creative people in entertainment." What they forgot was that the entertainment industry isn't very creative to begin with, so the list basically consists of the least uncreative people in entertainment today. But what about all the uncreative people in entertainment? Shouldn't they be acknowledged too? Yes. They get their own list – the Not It List. That is, the least creative people in entertainment. Enjoy.

Bless the band, but let's face it. Musically…they suck, recycling the same three notes over and over like no other rock band out there. Okay, maybe Limp Bizkit. "First Date" is nothing more than a slower version of "Dumpweed," and "Story Of A Lonely Guy" is in essence "Adam's Song" backwards.

Jerry Bruckheimer
How to make a Jerry Bruckheimer movie: 1) Think up an exciting movie title. 2) Hire Michael Bay to direct. 3) Cast Nicolas Cage or Ben Affleck in a leading role. 4) Make a list of things you want to see explode. Send it to the visual effects company. 5) Film the movie. 6) Piece together footage to give the appearance of a coherent storyline. Be sure to include an undeveloped romance and a sacrificial death at the end. Voila! You have just created a summer blockbuster.

Jay Leno
I'll be honest. I have no respect for people who watch the Tonight Show. Leno's entire comedic repertoire consists of pointing out typos in newspapers, making fun of how stupid people are, and showing "embarrassing" footage of entertainers from their early years in the business. At least Letterman tries to experiment.

I loved Moby's album Play. In fact, I picked Play as one of the best recordings of 1999 before most people caught on to it. That was 1999. It is now 2001, and Moby is still milking this fucking album. Next week, Moby's Play DVD will be released, featuring all 10 music videos for the album of the same name (5 were unreleased in America). 10 music videos! Play only has 18 songs. I think it's about time our little friend Moby goes back into the studio to prove that Play was no fluke.

the producers of Amazing Race, Bands On The Run, Big Brother, Big Brother 2, Boot Camp, Chains Of Love, Eco-Challenge, Fear, Fear Factor, Love Cruise, Making The Band, Murder In Small Town X, Popstars, Road Rules 10, Spy TV, Survivor: The Australian Outback, Temptation Island, Weakest Link, and Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles
I don't think I need to say anything.

Shawn and Marlon Wayans
Three words: Scary Movie 2. Sex and pot jokes grow old really fast, especially in the hands of two brothers who couldn't even host an awards show properly.

Now, I have an 5-page paper due on Monday for my English 4 class in which I have to explicate a poem. Whoo! I fucking hate poetry. The other day, we studied this John Keats poem called "Ode on a Grecian Urn." Who the fuck writes an ode to a fucking urn? Moreover, if the poem is really supposed to be some treatise on the relationship between nature and art, why not just come out and say so instead of using all this metaphor bullshit? Along with the ode to the urn, there was this poem called "Anecdote of the Jar." What is it with poets and inanimate objects? I have a poem. It's called "Haiku on Diaphragm."

Rubber diaphragm
Lodged in female vagina
I go jack off now.

UC Berkeley once offered a class on Tupac Shakur's lyrics as poetry. Hmmm. That gives me an idea. The first class offered at Jon U (Jonathan University) will be critical studies on Dream lyrics.

"That was her, this is me / We're as different as can be / She and I are nothing alike / You're confusing day with night."

Wow. So young, yet so profound. What does it all mean? You'll have to take my class to find out.

Before I finish up here, take a look at the cover of Jessica Simpson's latest record:

Oh my god! I forgot to take the pill this morning!

That's all for now.

go • carthedral
go • beer vs. stacy
go • shutdown the internet

(out of 21 votes)
Frederic Chopin • 2 votes • 10%
Joseph Conrad • 5 votes • 24%
Copernicus • 1 vote • 5%
Marie Curie • 13 votes • 62%
Pope John Paul II • 0 votes • 0%
Apparently, nobody realized the "Pole" choices were all Polish or Poles. Duh.

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