To herald our triumphant return to the internet, we shall begin with some wrestling news. Stop groaning.
Chyna and the WWF have parted ways after a contract dispute. Yay!
The WWF is going to make their Monday night time slot on TNN into WCW Raw. Boo!
Notes on my short summer vacation:
You're really asking for it if you drive a yellow car.
Asians should not bleach their hair. We don't need the whole head being yellow.
I saw a home video that Amanda Ibaraki's brother and his 8th-grade buddies made for junior high Health class wherein they went around Mountain View acting like jackasses, forcing themselves to throw up and riding a seemingly unsafe sled-thingy into a stagnant creek, among other things. That Health teacher should be fired.
I spent a lot of time at malls. Now, understand that I hate shopping, especially for clothes, so this wasn't exactly time well spent, but it was fucking hot and California has no cheap power for home air conditioners. Go fish.
Jonathan Yu has no fashion sense whatsoever. To me, the only difference between Abercrombie & Fitch and K-Mart clothing is that one company puts "A&F" and "92" on everything they make and then sells it at exorbitant prices…and the other doesn't. I need a stylist. When I become rich and famous, the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a guy to fulfill my sartorial fantasies, like clear vinyl suits and shag boxers. Until then, a polo shirt and some pants will do it for me.
That must be my problem – the polo shirt / pants getup. You see, wherever I go, people always mistake me for an employee of the place in which I happen to be located. I'll be at the Gap and some guy will walk up to me and ask, "Excuse me, do you work here?" What the fuck? No, I do not work at the Gap, nor do I whore my talents to Old Navy, Best Buy, Tower Records, and that Chinese restaurant in Santa Monica.
My style is equivalent to that of those kids who only wear a t-shirt and shorts every single day of the school year.
You know how cartoon characters never change outfits? Well, sometime in my life I want to try it. That is, wear the same outfit for a whole year.
They say that "clothes make the man." Oh, it's true. Seth's a dork.
My 11-year-old little brother's suddenly all into looking good in his name brand clothing. Whoo! I, of course, was bewildered upon hearing about this and asked him to explain the reasoning behind his newfound interest in high California fashion (if there is such a thing). His reply? "I want to conform."
My brother also professed to reading material from my bookshelf at home when he's bored. So I'm sitting there thinking, "Oh good. Somebody's reading those Goosebumps books I bought from the book order club in sixth grade and wasn't motivated enough to read." Lo and behold, it turns out that he actually read Schindler's List, Catch-22, and Macbeth.
And for my final trick, I will talk about Parade magazine, that pathetic tabloid shit that somehow makes its way into every Sunday newspaper bundle. Namely, I wanna talk about Marilyn vos Savant. Savant is listed in the Guinness Book Of World Records as having the world's highest IQ, and she has a column in Parade where she answers reader questions. If only her readers weren't fucking retards! This is the world's smartest person we're talking about and week after week she has to respond to unbelievably idiotic queries. "My wife and I are concerned about the Y2K problem. What do you think will happen? Please answer on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being a nuisance and 10 being a complete failure of our system. Should my wife and I have cash on hand? What about the bank and stock holdings? Anything else?" Dude, she's a genius, not a therapist. The idea here is to STUMP her. Ah, fuck it.
(out of 235 votes)
Nicotine • 0 votes • 0%
Valium • 3 votes • 1%
Vicodin • 43 votes • 18%
Marijuana • 70 votes • 30%
Ecstasy • 24 votes • 10%
Alcohol • 95 votes • 40%
Wow, those Truth ads are effective.