Like your scrotum, here it is in a nutshell.

I never expected it to get this big. I just wanted to come to terms with the new age and have a website of my own. Look at what it's become. I tell you, this site is gonna be the death of me. I want to have a life, but try as I might, I can't get this monster out of my mind. I have become one with the website. Add on homework, housing tours, and the book for Dewar and you can call it a day. Sometimes, I wonder how I got myself into this mess. To tell you the truth, I don't know when this Wrestlepalooza thing is gonna end. It'll probably drag on well into the summer due to burnout on my part (quality vs. quantity). Why couldn't I have been wise like Colin? All he does is post monologues and he fuckin' gets 10,000 hits a day. I'm lucky if I can pull double-digits. Shit. I don't need this. Everybody reading this, go away. I want the number of hits for my site to drop to zero. I mean it. Piss off! You want funny? Go read The Onion.

Just kidding! Y'all come back now. In fact, come back in troves. I need the attention. My self-esteem is fragile. Please…understand that this website is all I've got. Jancee Dunn left with the baby last week. Help a brother out. Besides, the Onion sucks. And to the contestants of Wrestlepalooza matches that aren't posted by the time school gets out (June 15), I will owe you for the rest of my life. You ever need anything – I mean anything – I'm your man. That's guilt trip Jon for ya.

Colin asked for a links archive. Colin gets one.

Maybe I should play a 5-minute practically-non-speaking role in a big budget summer movie so that all the magazines will put me on their covers and write feature articles about me too.

Two years ago, I saw a stand-up comedian do the following bit. Unfortunately, I don't remember his name. Nonetheless, I thought I should acknowledge that this is his bit and not mine.

Have you ever realized just how dirty Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree is? I know it's a children's book and all, but read it out loud:

Once there was a tree…

and she loved a little boy.

And every day the boy would come

and he would gather her leaves

and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.

He would climb up her trunk

and swing from her branches

and eat apples.

And they would play hide-and-go-seek.

And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.

And the boy loved the tree…

very much.

And the tree was happy.

Links:
go • link of the day!
go • britney spears brought to light
go • chronic candy
go • the second coming project
go • game boy that runs unix
go • the effects of drugs and prostitution
go • dancing with cats
go • why cats paint
go • strange foreign objects in dog feces
go • calculus girls

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Damn. Here I was thinking this site was family-friendly.

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