Semantic Subterfuge

Hey, everybody! I have an announcement to make: Wrestlepalooza has been moved to Sunday May 13th for several reasons. First, I was booked a while back to appear in Evanston, IL (hick town) on May 9 as part of my I Hate Belle And Sebastian tour, and I want to honor that engagement. Coincidentally, as part of the tour, I'm scheduled to be at Madison Square Garden on the 13th. What better place to hold the grandaddy of imaginary internet sports entertainment events than at the world's most famous arena? It's a helluva lot better than staging the show at some shithole like Ryan Field. Also, I kinda need to script Wrestlepalooza and to do so, I kinda need…time. Hooray for procrastination. I apologize for any inconvenience caused by the change in dates. Sorry. Boy, I say that word a lot.

While we're on the subject of Wrestlepalooza, I'd like to take some time to talk about the Wrestlepalooza matches that were pulled for one reason or another and didn't make it onto the card. For example, Ryan Condon's opponent in the first blood match was originally intended to be Miriam Cutler, but Ms. Cutler was pulled when we realized that Mr. Condon would probably hesitate when asked to beat a girl into a bloody pulp. Better to maul the first lady instead. We also wanted Jacob Markovitz to take on Jakob Dylan in a ladder match. Then, we came to the realization that this joke was no longer funny and never was. I think the weirdest match we conceived but later pulled due to its impracticality was Marie Antoinette versus Marie Callender one-on-one in a giant oven. Oh, I wish.

Okay, I wanna clear something up. "Lady Marmalade" by Christina Aguilera, Pink, M™a, and Lil' Kim is a COVER of a Patti LaBelle song. These four ladies are by no means original enough to come up such a catchy song. I mean, this is not what a real musical artist looks like. Actually, the Missy Elliott-produced "Lady Marmalade" is the first single off the soundtrack to the upcoming Baz Lurhmann movie Moulin Rouge, in which cover songs are prominently featured. Other remakes you can look forward to include a Beck and Timbaland cover of David Bowie's "Diamond Dogs," a Jose Feliciano cover of The Police's "Roxanne," and a Ewen McGregor cover of Elton John's "Your Song."

Fuck Morrie! Spend your Tuesday with these links:
1 • see me do this on my tour
2 • Alex Roome, this is for you
3 • the Japanese are funny
4 • what they eat in Evanston, IL
5 • who knew this even existed?
6 • you probably think this site is about you
7 • talk about a fashion faux pas
8 • oh man…
9 • finally, I have found it!

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