Fat Lip

If I could sue everybody who's ever called me a "fucking retard" for defamation of character, I'd be a fucking rich "fucking retard."

Elizabeth is a psychology major. Eric is a film and/or English major. Jose is a journalism major. Sarah is a biology major. Paul is a communication studies major. I am a major asshole. Or "fucking retard," to be exact.

I have come to the conclusion that I just might spend my life as a "fucking retard," a Forrest Gump, forever traveling from one job to another. I've always been somewhat of a dilettante, born into this world an overly-ambitious ADD-stricken boy with an insatiable interest in many different fields of work. Choosing a major is really hard for a "fucking retard" like me. Unfortunately, you can't major in cynicism here at UCLA, and quadruple-majoring simply isn't practical.

Uncertain about my future, I recently made a list of 22 jobs that I am seriously considering:
1. movie director
2. music video director
3. screenwriter
4. graphic designer
5. Abercrombie & Fitch model
6. wrestler
7. blow
8. Vice President of the United States
9. chairman of the YKK zipper company
10. substitute teacher
11. director of programming for MTV
12. ad man
13. choreographer
14. Taco Bell manager
15. clown
16. pediatric gynecologist
17. coroner
18. Mr. Spears
19. David Letterman's replacement
20. lead singer of a punk rock band
21. general manager of a radio station
22. retard fucker

Talk about an external hard drive.

After reading this, I question if human beings are the most intelligent species on Earth.

Human beings, however, will always be more intelligent than their best friends.

How is this funny?

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