I saw a documentary tonight called Keep The River On Your Right about (I am not making this up) a gay, Jewish ex-cannibal. This movie is fucked up in so many ways. I mean, the circumcision of a male kindergartner is graphic enough, but footage…
Date Archives March 2001
The Oscar® Awards Have a Way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A
Jon: Well, it's over. The winner of Jonathan Yu's Stupid Little Oscar® Game 4 is…not gonna be announced right now. First, I'd like to thank everybody who played for making this year's SLOG the most successful one ever, with a record turnout of 36 contestants….
Say It Isn't So
Jonathan Yu's 20th movie of the year A young bachelor (Chris Klein) finds the love of his life (Heather Graham) but mistakenly believes her to be his sister. The Farrelly brothers are back with this piece of shit movie that's even worse than last year's…
Heartbreakers
Jonathan Yu's 27th and 31st movie of the year A mother (Sigourney Weaver) and daughter (Jennifer Love Hewitt) con team seduce and scam wealthy men. Director David Mirkin is a funny guy. He works on The Simpsons. Why, then, are his movies so unsatisfying? Like…
Smack My Bitch Up
Spring break is here. Excellent… Rory Brown, I want your ass. You…me…backyard wrestling…two out of three falls. Bring it on. For those of you who know who John Leitch is, doesn't he so not look like a trumpet player in that FedEx commercial? Whoever did…
NCAA Basketcase
There are some things money can't buy. An elite eight berth is not one of them. Congratulations, U$¢. Now it's your turn to play Duke. [laugh] If fouls were little boys, then the UCLA men's basketball team would be NAMBLA superstars. Matt Barnes is a…
All Your Base Are Belong to Me
Note to self: don't mix Red Bull and No-Doz. Not only will you not fall asleep, but worse, you'll feel really really good. I got this e-mail from my old English teacher today: "Did the LAHS Dive group share with you how they plan to…
Better Than Underage Thinking
I had never seen anybody actually say grace before they ate until I came down to southern California. Now I see it every day at every meal – groups of people clasping their hands and bowing their heads to thank God for crappy dorm food….
Enemy At The Gates
Jonathan Yu's 24th movie of the year At the Battle for Stalingrad, a young Russian sharpshooter (Jude Law) becomes a national hero when a Soviet political officer (Joseph Fiennes) realizes his propaganda value. His fame soon thrusts him into a duel with the Nazi's best…