Requiem for a Dream

It is our honor to present to you, faithful reader, with Jonathan Yu's new and improved website. The new website is no longer your average run-of-the-mill website. As you can clearly see, the new website now resides on the cutting edge. Our innovative masthead, our prominent mission statement, broadcasting our purpose, and our new fonts and graphics all serve to grab the attention of our readers. Our proudest achievement, however, is the size of my penis. For too long, my penis has been dwarfed by top-of-the-line penii in the area. Mistakes and immaturity have made my penis a laughingstock within the internet community. As we move to larger offices in Garden Grove, CA, so too does my penis desire to carry more weight with its audience. So now then. Jonathan Yu apologizes for suggesting that the only way to make a website fun and interesting is to make a mockery of the system. However, for those of you who enjoyed the clever nuances or hidden messages in the previous version, don't fret. Now, instead of scorning the social norms for a website, we've decided to better them. We're now informative without being sloppy, we're opinionated without being hateful, we're fun without being immature. In short, we have sold out. It has been quite a while since our website has had the self-respect to be in that league. Nevertheless, it is our belief that it's never to late to join. People should also realize this: It is not our goal to entertain you, with a broad story base, interesting subject matter, and comical humor. It is our intention to have all of our readers search out the vagina references, glance at a graphic, and then ignore the rest of the website. After all, we are just a kiddie website. Enjoy and happy reading! • JY

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