Our Top Stories

Arafat and Barak reach agreement
Diet Dr. Pepper does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper

Clashes erupt in Gaza, West Bank
Demand outgrows supply for PlayStation 2
Mideast on the brink of video game war

Colorado police find Jon Benét Ramsey's killer
Orenthal James Simpson, 53, to be arraigned Wednesday

General Electric introduces new white trash compactor
State-of-the-art appliance heralded as a drastic improvement over trailer parks of yesteryear

Hippies infiltrate Microsoft
Snoops see valuable "source code," monkeys in lab coats

Lorena Bobbitt cuts off funding for National Endowment of the Arts
In a statement released to the press, NEA says, "Ow."

Man registers software
Historic first recorded for publication in Guinness Book

Metallica's career queued

PG&E introduces alternative to gas and electricity
Black power billed as a revolutionary new concentration of energy designed to effect social change
Benefits include increased land, bread, housing, education, clothing, justice, and peace

Steve Allen dies
Former Tonight Show host unknowingly led by kids down a moral sewer only to trip and drown in pool of popular shit

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