Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
What is your name?
What is your quest?
To seek the Holy Grail.
What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
What do you mean? An African or a European swallow?
What? I don't know that.
You talkin' to me?
Well, who the hell else am I talkin' to?
You talkin' to me?
Well, I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think I'm talkin' to?
Where do babies come from?
I'm still trying to figure that one out myself.
How old are you?
What's my age again?
You're 23. Right?
What school do you go to?
UCLA. But you can usually find me at UCI hanging out with my people.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Who let the dogs out?
Who? Who? Who?
Who wants to be a millionaire?
Don't look at me.
If you had my love and I gave you all my trust, would you comfort me?
Did you or did you not have sexual relations with that woman?
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Do you really want it?
Will you marry me?
I already told you. I don't want to marry you. I don't even want to comfort you.
Can't we all just get along?
Of course we can. But I just don't find you very attractive, Ms. Price.
Are you gay?
No no no no no. For some reason, I get that question a lot.
Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Shaft! And I'm damn right.
Who is Deep Throat?
An African or a European…never mind.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
What would you do?
What? How much wood would I chuck? Oh, don't bring up the gay thing again. Look, I'm straight.
What's my line?
Ha ha. Very funny. It's…straight.
Whose line is it anyway?
Did you hear the one about the priest and the rabbi?
Enough already with the gay jokes! They're not that amusing.
Did somebody say McDonald's?
Yeah. The Backstreet Boys. Did I just make a joke about gays? Huh.
Whatchu talkin' 'bout?
Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
I dunno. The egg?
What would Jesus do?
He'd probably say "the chicken."
Where's the beef?
On vacation. Hence, no milk.
Where have all the cowboys gone?
After their cows.
Are we there yet?
How the hell would I know? You're the one asking the questions.
What's the word on the street?
Well, there's quite a few of them. I saw a "signal" today, and an "ahead," and I think I also saw a "slow." I'm not sure.
Dondé está el baño?
I plead the fifth.
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
One, if you live in Amsterdam.
What's your favorite state?
Who shot J.R.?
Sue Ellen's sister Kristen.
Who is Keyser Söze?
Who's on first?
Are you my mother?
Ask my father.
Who's your daddy?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Why do hot dogs come in packages of ten and hot dog buns in packages of eight?
Hold it! Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. These questions are impossible. This interview is over.
Can I ask just one more question?
Okay. One more question. But that's it.
What is the meaning of life?
Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
Is that your final answer?
Yeah. Hey, wait a minute…