Dilly Dilly

My work's weekly staff video conference always opens with a survey question. This week's question: What was the first album you owned?

Jon: 2 Live Crew – As Nasty As They Wanna Be.
The Rest of the Staff: [pause]


I am driving the boy and girl home from school.

Jon: What time did you wake up this morning?
The Boy: 7:00am.
Jon: That late?
The Girl: No, 5:00am…and you are listening to Los Angeles!

Did she just reference Soul Coughing's "Screenwriter's Blues"?

I come upon Biz Markie's "Just a Friend" on the radio.

The Boy: Is this a remix?


The boy now dresses like Edgar on You're the Worst.


I drop the boy off for swimming at a local community college.

Whenever I see Asian students at a community college, I wonder if their parents are disappointed. Their parents are probably just undocumented, though, or desperate for their children to attend college in America.

We do it different on the west coast

Why is Cash Cab returning as Cash Cab and not Cash Uber?

Idea: Casino Monopoly. Play Monopoly with real money (as chips). A dealer is the banker. For accessibility, all dollar amounts are one-tenth of the board game's. Instead of beginning with $1500, the buy-in to play is $150. Receive $20 as you pass Go. Mediterranean Avenue is $6, Boardwalk is $40. If you need more money, you can mortgage properties or just open your wallet. A game ends when one player goes bankrupt.

Idea: A roast of Louis C.K. with a dais of women he was sexually inappropriate with. At the end, Louis roasts the dais for admiring him.

Idea: A Coca-Cola Freestyle machine, but for beer. Create your own beer cocktail. Beer concentrate exists.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

It's a tie!

46a. Gamby vs. Russell (Vice Principals, S02E08)

46b. Escort for Nathan (Nathan For You, S04E07)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Wait. I know that I've said this a lot, but this time I mean it. We should put leaves in our underwear." (Bob's Burgers, S08E04)
  • "Liam, how was school today?"
    "Okay. Some cracker told me my life mattered." (Shameless, S08E01)
  • "Well, these stairs are an obvious hazard, but nothing a couple packing peanuts can't fix."
    "Packing peanuts?"
    "Yeah, packing peanuts. You don't want our baby getting SIFILISS."
    "Syphilis."
    "SIFILISS."
    "Syphilis."
    "SIFILISS. You know, Sudden Infant Falling Into Large Indoor Spaces Syndrome?"
    "Oh, I thought you meant the other one."
    "No, I'm talking about the bad one." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E05)
  • "I'm baby-proofing, and you are doing the reverse. You're…foorpybab-ing."
    "I am not, Carol, and I take offense at that, okay? If anything, I'm doing the reverse of foorpybab-ing. I'm, uhh…babbyprof-ing." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E05)
  • "I'd rather play with a fast Manson than a slow Funkhauser." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E06)
  • "A stabbing range where you stab dummies." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E06)
  • "The fuck is this? A spaceship on a ladder?"
    "I think it's a train."
    "On a ladder?" (Vice Principals, S02E08)


(Vice Principals, S02E08)

  • "Today, me and my sister were spying on Lee in the bathroom when we caught him standing on the bathroom sink inspecting his own asshole in the mirror." (Vice Principals, S02E08)
  • ♫: Big Black Delta – "Roost" (Vice Principals, S02E08)
  • "Take a pear and get out there, woman gay." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E06)
  • "I'd like to bet $20,000 on Yabba Dabba Doo." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "Addiction is nothing to fool around with. I had food issues. I ate a crate of hams once." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "Murder Truck" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "Oh no, he is deep in the ham crate." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • "I'm glad you get your money back. You can invest it in something you actually believe in instead of my balls." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S05E05)
  • ♫: Harry Styles – "Sign of the Times" (Riverdale, S02E05)
  • "I don't know anything. I'm just a turtle." (South Park, S21E07)
  • Elliott's employee number is 07-23-91, the date that birthed the Mandela Effect (Mr. Robot, S03E05)
  • ♫: Blues Traveler – "Run-Around" (Mr. Robot, S03E05)
  • Elliot running into the room from which Angela came out (Mr. Robot, S03E05)


(The Late Late Show with James Corden, 11-08-17)


(Nathan For You, S04E07)

  • "Mud 2: Never Clean" (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • "We had successfully transformed the church social hall I had rented into a ballroom fit for Cinderella herself, and Bill looked like the spitting image of Alex Sanford in the thick-rimmed non-prescription glasses we had purchased from Sam's Club." (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • There was a hidden message in the closed captions (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • "We decided to do a role reversal exercise using a wig I had picked up from a store down the block." (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • "When we got back to the hotel that night, there was a bee on the loose." (Nathan For You, S04E07)
  • Nathan For You Season Grade: A-
  • Zelda secret sound (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E03)
  • GoldenEye N64 opening (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E03)
  • "And Tolkie got freaky with a Banjo-Kazooie runner, Stephanie Bobo." (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E03)
  • "Raccoons cannot resist some peanut butter titties." (Lady Dynamite, S02E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


God and Bumble Bee held my hand



Which one should I try first?

Oreo is both a flavour and a vehicle for other flavours.

Salted caramel Oreos? Check.
Cinnamon roll Oreos? Check.
Mountain Dew… Not yet.

Does Oreo soda exist? Oreo cream soda.

"Absinthe basil bliss chicken patties" is the new…

"vegan sweet potato wellness cookie."

Smoked moonshine and BBQ seasoned chicken sausage also exists.

Wrong Heads Disney Wrong Ears Wrong Legs

More American Film Market commodities:

Set in 1930s prohibition, a corrupt cop discovers that the popular speakeasy in town has been infiltrated by vampires. [source]

A group of sex party attendees wake up naked in the snow. In the nearby cabin they find a dead girl and a message: In order to survive, they must decide who is responsible for the girl's death and murder that person accordingly. [source]

No shoes on the rug, leave them at the door

Catching up on news out of this year's American Film Market…

China Salesman
A humble Chinese cell phone salesman somehow averts a civil war in Africa, featuring an eight-minute fight sequence between Mike Tyson and Steven Seagal.


The Bombing
Bruce Willis trains Chinese troops in WWII drama, which features art direction by Mel Gibson.


Vestige
Described as "Ex Machina meets Black Swan and Whiplash." Mickey Rourke and Anne Heche have signed up.

Set in a forlorn future controlled by artificial intelligence, the story centers around a distraught Olympian figure skater who must overcome her demons and attempt to escape her infinite world to compete for the Winter Olympics against androids.

Lawrence Krauss, world-renowned theoretical physicist and best-selling author of A Universe From Nothing has also signed on to attach artificial intelligence and robotics companies to the film.


Circus Kane
Jonathan Lipnicki horror film sees a reclusive circus master invite a group of social media stars to his house of haunts. Anyone who can make it out before being scared into submission will earn $250,000.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


45. I wish it didn't have to be so bad (Wendy, 10-31-17)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • The Deuce Season Grade: B+
  • Chet Haze (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "The mail woman has stopped delivering since our date."
    "Had the same situation with a girl at Burger King. Haven't had a Whopper in fuckin' three years." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "There's also a post office credo. They should put 'spite' in there. Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor spite shall keep these couriers." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S09E05)
  • "Bloody promises, bloody tips. This is how a pact is made." (Vice Principals, S02E07)
  • "If this works out for Junior, he could put us in public school."
    "What is that even like?"
    [cut to Jack and Diane watching Dangerous Minds] (Black-ish, S04E05)
  • "Be brutal."
    "Simon Cowell brutal or O.J. brutal?" (The Mayor, S01E04)
  • Evan Peters as Marshall Applewhite, David Koresh, and Jim Jones (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "I found this on wikiHow."
    "'How to escape from a cult.'" (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • Evan Peters as Jesus Christ high-fiving Evan Peters as Jim Jones (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "Doubters get no cookies!" (American Horror Story, S07E09)
  • "The bed is for family." (American Horror Story, S07E09)


Dave Grohl as David Letterman (Jimmy Kimmel Live!, 10-31-17)

  • "Betty's ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach." (Riverdale, S02E04)
  • "Hey! Stay away from those lemons! Just because they're hanging over the sidewalk doesn't mean they're free! You people act like I don't need these lemons, but I do! I need them very badly!" (You're the Worst, S04E10)
  • "Mmm! This is good!"
    "It's Country Time. My lemons aren't juicing lemons." (You're the Worst, S04E10)
  • Rashad Jennings (Great News, S02E06)
  • "Vow Chicka Vow Vow: Exploring Marital Relations" (Great News, S02E06)
  • "Max, the dog is eating your pussy blood again!" (Better Things, S02E08)
  • "So you're saying you pleasure yourself so much at home that it doesn't affect you at work?"
    "Correct." (Nathan For You, S04E06)


(Nathan For You, S04E06)

  • "So when most people are thinking of sex, you're thinking of Aquaman?" (Nathan For You, S04E06)


(Nathan For You, S04E06)


(Nathan For You, S04E06)

  • Full Doubtfire (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E02)
  • Dick slip (Nirvanna the Band the Show, S02E02)
  • "Making fun of someone with a disability is retarded." (Saturday Night Live, S43E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You


Pleasure Suck

I wait a day to post this and Khaled drops out. [grumbling]


Shawn Marion and Cedric Ceballos are a team on the next Amazing Race?

And they're racing against Joey Chestnut and Eater X?!

Wikipedia » Tim Janus:

On November 21, 2007, Janus helped draw attention to the plight of New York City's homeless by consuming a Thanksgiving meal for four, including a 10-pound turkey, four pounds of mashed potatoes, three pounds of cranberry sauce, 2½ pounds of beans, and a pumpkin pie.

On August 28, 2013, Deadspin released a video of Janus' attempt to become, in his words, "the first person in the history of the world to get legally drunk (.08) on" non-alcoholic beer. In the video, Janus drinks 28 cans and bottles of various non-alcoholic beers and then blows into a breathalyzer. A .02 reading is recorded, leading Janus to conclude that if he can't get drunk on O'Doul's, nobody can.


Where is Patrick O'Bryant now?

Wikipedia » Patrick O'Bryant:

In November 2013, O'Bryant signed with Taiwan Beer of the Super Basketball League. On April 24, 2016, O'Bryant won the Final's MVP award while playing for Taiwan Beer.

Taiwan Beer?

Wikipedia » Taiwan Beer (basketball):

The Taiwan Beer Basketball Team is a semi-professional basketball team in the Super Basketball League (SBL) in Taiwan sponsored by the Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corporation (TTL).

Before the privatization of the sponsoring corporation in 1999, the team was named "Taiwan Tobacco and Wine Monopoly Bureau Golden Dragons."

Why is there no Taiwan Beer (basketball) merch?!