Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. Pooey Louie (Louie, S05E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "But I didn't do anything!"
    "Bologna on rye, Phil!"
    "No! Truth meat on honesty bread!" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E10)
  • "I asked for a do-over and instead I got a doo doo-over. Boom, I still got it." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E10)
  • "Todd, I did not co-write 'Fields of Gold.' The only person who wrote that song was Sting." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E10)
  • The Winklevii? (Silicon Valley, S02E01)
  • "I don't want to live in a world where someone else makes the world a better place better than we do." (Silicon Valley, S02E01)
  • Ronnie Gardocki! (Silicon Valley, S02E01)
  • Reposado! (Silicon Valley, S02E01)

(Silicon Valley, S02E01)

  • "That's just the kind of guy that Peter was – warm, generous, and not disappointed in Snapchat." (Silicon Valley, S02E01)
  • "That wasn't a cock-thumb. That was a cock-cock!" (Veep, S04E01)
  • "Shit doesn't hit fuck." (Veep, S04E01)
  • "'FUTURE WHATEVER.'" (Veep, S04E01)
  • "If you call a white guy 'brother,' then he'll give you everything you want." (China, IL, S03E02)
  • "The spirit of Jesus is a man who never touched a booby." (China, IL, S03E02)
  • 50 shades of Gotham (Gotham, S01E19)
  • Norma shooting her phone (Bates Motel, S03E06)
  • Norman in a dress (Bates Motel, S03E06)
  • "We're talking about freedom of speech. It's the amendment so important, it's literally the first one they remembered to add."
    "For white people."
    "With penises."
    "We prefer to be called people without colour or vaginas." (Community, S06E06)
  • "Let's see you type more descriptions of my 'Houseguest-era Sinbad wardrobe.'" (Community, S06E06)
  • All-American Girl, heh (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E12)
  • Face Off Season Grade: D
  • "Sorry, fellas. Want to drink in here, you need a badge or a pair of tits."
    "Art, [sigh] show him your tits." (Justified, S06E13)
  • "You gonna read that book, Tim?"
    "No, Nelson, I'm gonna eat it." (Justified, S06E13)
  • "We dug coal together." (Justified, S06E13)
  • Justified Season Grade: B
  • Joe Torre holding back Will Sasso (The Comedians, S01E02)
  • "I'm just trying to fit in with all these legends and Will Sasso." (The Comedians, S01E02)
  • Pamela nixing the flashback (Louie, S05E02)
  • Bart Folding (Louie, S05E02)
  • Lucas Bros. Moving Co. Season Grade: B-
  • "My dad, when he moved from Rome to Seattle, he literally said, 'The fun part of my life is over.'"
    "Did he happen to say that when you burst out of your mother's vagina as well?"
    "Yes, but I didn't burst out. I was cut out."
    "Straight through the old…"
    "No, they went through her back. Very rare Italian C-section through the back."
    "Oh, through her back. That's interesting. That's how you were conceived." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E13)


Sorry, No Carnitas

You know, I expected more fuss over Mindy Kaling's brother posing as a black person when applying for medical school – the Mindy's brother's project.

In my junior year of college, I realized that I didn't have the grades or test scores to get into medical school, at least not as an Indian-American.

Still, I was determined to become a doctor and I knew that admission standards for certain minorities under affirmative action were, let's say… less stringent?

So, I shaved my head, trimmed my long Indian eyelashes, and applied to medical school as a black man. I even joined the Organization of Black Students.

Bollywood Soul Man!

Vijay the Indian-American frat boy became Jojo the African American Affirmative Action applicant to medical school.

Reverse Urkel.

Jojo is his middle name – Vijay Jojo Chokalingam. (What kind of Indian parents pick Mindy and Jojo as middle names for their children?)

Not everything worked out as planned. Cops harassed me. Store clerks accused me of shoplifting. Women were either scared of me or found my bald power dome very attractive.


Don't you have to list your full name when applying to college? Vijay the African-American?

Rory: Indian father, black mother.

As a child, I was fascinated by John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me.

In retrospect, I'm surprised that anyone thought he was a black person. His facial features are conspicuously off.

Story Idea: While repeating John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me experiment in contemporary America, a white college student is unjustifiably shot and killed by a cop.

Story Idea: Self-made Batman. When a black lad's parents are unjustifiably shot and killed by a cop…

Sitcom Idea: An Indian (feather) man with three sons marries an Indian (dot) woman with three daughters. Set in Indiana.


I can't stop watching this trailer for a documentary film about a disabled wrestling league in Tokyo:

2015 films I must see:
1. The Wolfpack
2. Prince
3. Doglegs

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

15. The Interview (Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, 04-05-15)

Honourable Mention

  • Eddie Murphys (New Girl, S04E20)
  • Hallway Fight (Daredevil, S01E02)

Stray Observations

  • "You'd be surprised how many co-eds want it up the butt. Think it preserves their virginity. They call it the 'poophole loophole.'" (Shameless, S05E12)
  • "You make me happy. I'm happy when I'm around you."
    "Happy is overrated. Grow up, Fiona." (Shameless, S05E12)
  • Shameless Season Grade: C
  • "Come back with my shoes, you Latin trickster!" (China, IL, S03E01)
  • "You're gonna have strawberries on your ass." (China, IL, S03E01)
  • "That Turkish guy is an analmal." (China, IL, S03E01)
  • "Life is shit. It's that way for everyone. There's only one thing that makes it better: Boar jerkey." (Bates Motel, S03E05)
  • "Chicago Sunroof" (Better Call Saul, S01E10)
  • "Lucianne, he's not Kevin Costner."
    "What? So who's this guy?"
    "Uhh, not Kevin Costner's manager." (Better Call Saul, S01E10)
  • Better Call Saul Season Grade: B
  • "Where I'm from, you accuse somebody of something, you better have evidence, or he better be a minority." (Community, S06E05)
  • "Air Pippens." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E11)
  • "I'm seeing you through a Pepsi." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E11)
  • "I'm gonna treat myself to a pedicure done by a white lady. That's when you know you've made it." (Fresh Off the Boat, S01E11)

Drew Magary (Chopped, S22E09)

  • "They put out your greatest hits, it'd be a double album."
    "Shit, double live, man, from Japan!" (Justified, S06E12)
  • "Jenny here, you gotta leave her firing chamber empty avoiding accidental discharge. Bad news, her chamber is full of promise now." (Justified, S06E12)
  • "Double shit!" (Justified, S06E12)
  • "My life is my own." (Justified, S06E12)
  • "Does the girl twin still live with you?"
    "Not a fan." (Black-ish, S01E19)
  • "Good sauce, though. Murderer!" (Black-ish, S01E19)
  • Workaholics Season Grade: C-
  • Fortitude Season Grade: D+
  • "We are automatically someone else's South America. We are going to be the South America planet of some America planet." (Louie, S05E01)
  • "I think doing stunts is a stupid gimmick, and much like the earth's mantle, it's beneath us." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E12)

(Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E12)

  • "It's freezing this high up. Next time, we're meeting at Per Se." (Daredevil, S01E01)
  • "You should be out having a life, doing poppers and flapper dancing." (Daredevil, S01E02)
  • And Robert Durst as Stick (Daredevil, S01E07)
  • Stone? (Daredevil, S01E07)
  • Vincent D'Onofrio's struggle Mandarin (Daredevil, S01E08)
  • Flaming ninja (Daredevil, S01E09)
  • "I want to look in their eyes when I salt the earth with their blood." (Daredevil, S01E11)
  • Yoo-hoo (Daredevil, S01E11)
  • "Growing to love something is really simply forgetting slowly what you dislike about it." (Daredevil, S01E11)
  • Wesley! (Daredevil, S01E11)
  • Extreme parkour (Daredevil, S01E12)
  • Fisk does not care for cat videos (Daredevil, S01E12)
  • He doesn't have a city, he got family (Daredevil, S01E13)
  • Daredevil Season Grade: B-



In China to donate his kidney to his dying niece, former black-ops agent Deacon awakes the day before the operation to find he is the latest victim of organ theft. Stitched up and pissed-off, Deacon descends from his opulent hotel in search of his stolen kidney and carves a blood-soaked path through the darkest corners of the city. The clock is ticking for his niece and with each step he loses blood. [source]

His OPULENT hotel.

1:49 – "Where's my kidney?"
2:13 – Bible thumping



Will Forte on Bill Burr's podcast:

Bill How did you come up with [The Last Man on Earth]?

Will: We had settled on this other show idea. It was about… Val Kilmer used to, he stayed with me for a while 'cause we became buddies through MacGruber. This is in real life. He was leaving this one place, and wanted to look for another place, so he just needed a place to stay for what I thought was a couple days, and he just couldn't find the right place, so it ended up being several months. So that was what we were gonna write the show about. It was gonna be a partly fact, partly fictional…

Will: While [Val Kilmer] was staying with me, I was watching The Amazing Race. I was really into that show at the time. He thought I was an idiot for watching it, and then I got him fascinated by it, so we, for a short period of time, were planning to try to get on The Amazing Race together.

Val Kilmer should show up in season two of The Last Man on Earth playing himself. Celebrity survivor.

Started from the bottom

Sloan is a rock/power pop quartet from Halifax, Nova Scotia.

The success and recognition of their albums, (most notably Twice Removed) in rankings has made Sloan one of the best Canadian bands of all time.

In 2005, Twice Removed was named the best Canadian album ever.

One of the best Canadian bands of all time – who released the best Canadian album ever – playing at noon in a tent on Sunday.

They follow a local band that won a contest.

Kane Was There

// Las Vegas, NV

You know how people bemoan that MTV isn't music television anymore, or that History Channel isn't about history anymore? I feel similarly about most of the themed resorts on the Las Vegas Strip. Management has made hot messes of original concepts and designs. I mean, what even is Treasure Island now?

Ye olde Buca di Beppo

Sandwiched between The Cosmopolitan and Bellagio, the Jockey Club is the house in Up.

Considering that The Harmon at CityCenter is STILL being demolished, the carcasses of the unfinished Fontainebleau and Echelon Place resorts may just sit on the north side of the Strip forever, like scenic albatrosses.

The Fashion Show Mall is re-developing again. Remember when a submarine protruded from its facade for that restaurant created by Steven Spielberg?


Submarine to flying saucer to…

Jackie Robinson the basketball player reportedly intends to build a 22,000-seat arena on the Strip beside the Sahara SLS, never mind that MGM is currently building a 20,000-seat arena behind New York-New York. Three arenas within three miles of each other on the same street?

What Vegas needs is a new stadium (cough, Fontainebleau/Echelon Place). Super Bowl on the Strip. WrestleMania. Final Four.

Little Things

  • The seemingly endless stretch of Asian strip malls that is West Spring Mountain Road
  • The combination Panda Express and Chipotle beside Harrah's
  • The store in the Venetian mall that shows video in its windows of Michael Jackson shopping inside on a loop
  • The swanky stand-alone McDonald's outside dumpy Circus Circus
  • The house on the way from the airport to the Strip with a unipole billboard planted in its driveway
  • The hipster-y area neighbouring the east end of the Fremont Street Experience
  • The park created out of shipping containers in said hipster-y area
  • The shipping container treehouse in said park

»  The $7.5 million, 22,000-pound, kinetic chandelier at Omnia nightclub

Today marks the 6th anniversary of The Agony of Defeat.