34. Bachelor Pad

"Who has the worst boob job?"

#clipoftheweek

"Hoodie-horror" is reportedly a "uniquely British [film] sub genre brought on by the fashion choices of youth trying to avoid the gaze of CCTV security cameras."

As Eden Lake and Harry Brown are classified as "hoodie-horror," I assume the horrific hoodies are hoodlums who wear hoodies and not hooded sweatshirts, but this hoodie-horror flick blurs the distinction:

Homonym-horror.

Is Linkin Park's A Thousand Suns This Decade's Kid A?

Like Kid A, it is so completely different from the band's previous efforts that it will almost certainly stand as the line of demarcation between everything that came before and everything that will come after. And, much like Kid A, there just aren't a whole lot of guitars on it.

I wonder how the band half of Linkin Park feels about being reduced to being session musicians, basically, for older material. I listen to the first single off A Thousand Suns and think, "If the guitarist, bassist, and drummer weren't founding members, Linkin Park could easily continue forward with just the DJ."

If: The band half of Linkin Park is Celia on Weeds

Then:
Hybrid Theory and Meteora = Agrestic seasons
Fort Minor = burning down Agrestic
Minutes to Midnight = Ren Mar seasons
A Thousand Suns = Seattle season

They've steeped the entire album in a thick coat of dread, most notably, in the use of recorded, world-weary speeches by scientist Robert Oppenheimer, political activist Mario Savio and Martin Luther King Jr.

Is Linkin Park's A Thousand Suns This Decade's Spiritual Machines? FIXED.

What did we learn in August?

1. Degrassi's quarterback likes Hot Chip.
2. Will's supervisor does not (Rubicon).

Why don't Subway or Quizno's stock Original Recipe Miss Vickie's chips? I don't want fuckin' jalapeño kettle chips, and I don't want plain Lay's – I want plain kettle chips! Why aren't they an option? I mean, Netflix doesn't just stock Ghostbusters II!

No one would miss Cool Ranch Doritos...

My local Whole Foods sells single-serve bags of Sweet Onion Kettle Brand chips, and Spicy Thai ones, and Honey Dijon ones, and Cheddar ones, but not Lightly Salted ones. Moreover, Lightly Salted Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut chips are only available in Costco-sized bags. If I want a more manageable size, I have to settle for the Salt and Fresh Black Pepper flavour.

Single-serve bags of Lightly Salted Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut chips are impossibly elusive.

Miss Vickie's discontinued a Mister Vickie's flavour.

Barbecue-flavoured chips were added under the name Mr. Vickie's, as a way of recognizing the work of husband Bill.

Bill died in a car accident in 1997. [source]

"Who is the quarterback for the Falcons? I'm blanking."

"He's white. He played for Boston College."

"Matt? Joe?"

"Goddammit! What is his name?"

"I'm not football-retarded! I can name every starting quarterback in the NFC except this misterfalcon!"

"Okay, I can't name the quarterback for the Buccaneers either. Whatever!"

"Matt something..."

It's time once again for... Which one of my football teams will torment me more this season: the Bruins or the Bears?

Last year, I (correctly) picked the Bruins.

This year, I...

[looks at octopus]

"He ate both mussels. What does that mean?"

• Hipster Hitler
• Joel McHale Shirts
• perhaps the most horrific and hilarious climbing experience I have ever witnessed

33. The Hard Times of RJ Berger

WTF was that???? He killed his best girl friend with his weiner??? AFTER she got hit by a bus??? Then he VO's, "I just did the right thing." :0 [source]

#clipoftheweek

• The ten greatest severed penis scenes in science fiction [NSFW]
• What does Justin Bieber's forehead look like?

So this is happening.

The next season of Curb Your Enthusiasm will be set in New York City.

Louis C.K. lives in New York City.

It could be like the diner scene in Heat!

• ON THE NEXT MAD MEN meme