Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

35. The Ballad of Ice-T (Rick and Morty, S02E05)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "If Kendall Jenner can run a fucking company, so can we." (Ballers, S01E10)
  • John Cena and The Rock both showed their butts on camera this summer (Ballers, S01E10)
  • Ballers Season Grade: F
  • "You people haven't heard of The-Dream?" (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "Jews rule! …Nobody? Okay, tough church." (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "Hi, folks. Head priest Vagina." (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "Can you fly a Black Hawk?"
    "Can the Pope's dick fit through a doughnut?"
    "Uhhh, I'm…not sure?"
    "Exactly." (Rick and Morty, S02E05)
  • "The heads disqualified Vagina!" (Rick and Morty, S02E05)

(WWE Tough Enough, S06E10)

  • Directed by Ti West (Scream, S01E09)
  • "You did not see George Zimmerman at a Dave and Busters!" (The Carmichael Show, S01E02)
  • "You touched my dick." (Key and Peele, S05E08)
  • "His name is 'Ace Shrift.' It is an anagram for 'catfisher.'"
    "You know that your name is an anagram for 'farce shit,' right?" (Review, S02E05)
  • "I did an image search on" (Review, S02E05)
  • "You punched the money!" (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "You see how white people treat you?"
    "Shut the fuck up, man."
    "There's still one in the room." (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "What 'sanctimonious' mean?"
    "White." (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "Next up, Fresh Air with Terry Gross and her guest, homosexual David Sedaris. He's talking about his new gender-neutral version of The Mikado." (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "Thought she was sanctimonious and white."
    "Turns out she was sanctimonious and black."
    "There's got to be a word for that."
    "Yeah, 'reverend.'" (Survivor's Remorse, S02E02)
  • "When life becomes maddeningly polite, think about me. Think about me, Will. Don't worry about me." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "Will, was it good to see me?" (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "I'd pack my bags if I were you, Bedelia. Meat's back on the menu." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • RT: The highlight of our gag reel is Raul Esparza in that makeup doing Fire Marshal Bill (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "Do please tell Frederick if you see him, I wish a speedy convalescence, and I hope he won't be very ugly." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "You died in my kitchen, Alana, when you chose to be brave. Every moment since is borrowed. Your wife, your child, they belong to me. You made a bargain for Will's life, and then I spun you gold." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "My compassion for you is inconvenient, Will." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • "Save yourself, kill them all." (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • Siouxsie Sioux wrote an original song for the finale (Hannibal, S03E13)
  • Hannibal Season Grade: B+


Buying goodwill in hotel lobbies

Previously on Adam Riff™:
My nine-year-old nephew discovered Magic: The Gathering this year.

Said nephew's 10th birthday is approaching, and I promised him Magic cards for his birthday gift.

Jon: Which cards do you want?
Nephew: How large is your budget?
Jon: [pause]

Jon: Make a list of all the cards you want.


I received a call last Monday while in Washington, D.C.

J: Hey, when are you scheduled to fly home from New York City?
Jon: Next Monday.
J: Can you fly to Los Angeles instead? I need you here.
Jon: For how long?
J: Indefinitely? When is TIFF? Can you fly to Toronto from Los Angeles?
Jon: What? No. I can't be on the road for five weeks straight! I only packed for one week.

I negotiated my time in Los Angeles down to "until Labor Day weekend."

Last Wednesday while in Washington, D.C….

Jon: Hey, what's your wi-fi network?
Jon Wilcox: "BD's Mongolian WiFi."
Jon: Oh, heh. That's why my phone has been asking for the password to "BD's Mongolian WiFi" all night. I thought it was a bug. "I don't recall passing a BD's Mongolian Grill today…"

There are no Panda Expresses in China, but there is a BD's Mongolian Grill in Mongolia.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

34. The Great Red Dragon bites Chilton's lips off (Hannibal, S03E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Humans Season Grade: D
  • Maalox and Stoli (Show Me a Hero, S01E02)
  • "Shut up, Hamurai. Shut up, Amish Cyborg. What is this, '90s Conan?" (Rick and Morty, S02E04)
  • "AIDS!" (Rick and Morty, S02E04)
  • "My dick got chopped off. Like gristle off a Thanksgiving turkey. I got a gristle dick." (Key and Peele, S05E07)
  • RT: "The 1st, clear Pulp Fiction reference in tonight's Mr Robot was cool. The 2nd, less obvious one (Elliot's line on platform) was phenomenal" (Mr. Robot, S01E09)
  • "Where Is My Mind?" – heh (Mr. Robot, S01E09)
  • Mall store name: Warm Subject (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E27)
  • Matt Besser's Bjôrk (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E27)
  • "Is Hannibal in love with me?" (Hannibal, S03E12)
  • "You are the Devil himself, bound in the pit."
    "And that makes you God, Jack."
    "Yes, it does."
    "All gods demand sacrifices." (Hannibal, S03E12)


It's a small world after all

In the latter months of my time living in Chicago with Jord and Jon Wilcox, Jord began making videos with this group of local comedians, and I didn't think much of it. Then I retreated back to Silicon Valley, and…

Jon Wilcox: It's wild that T.J. Miller, Kumail, and Thomas Middleditch used to hang out in my living room.

I befriended Jord and Jon Wilcox via their E/N website, and I befriended Ben via his music blog.

While Ben drove me to Jon Wilcox's flat in Washington, D.C….

Jon: Ishmail? From [the websites] Punogre/Armegro? How do you know him?
Ben: He caught me DJ-ing, tweeted at me, and we subsequently became friends. I stayed with him in Los Angeles once.
Jon: Huh.

I type this from Philadelphia in the spare bedroom of Drew's house. I befriended Drew via his blog.

Treasure the Chesapeake

A Copy of My Mind
Joko Anwar, Indonesia/South Korea

She gives facials in a cheap beauty salon. He makes subtitles for pirated DVDs. They find a soulmate in each other. But their love is threatened to a tragic end when she stumbles upon evidence of a corruption case linked to a presidential candidate's closest aides.


Airlines should display a real-time seating chart at boarding gates that allows you to see which seats are still available and the ages of the people who will be sitting around you.

On my flight to Washington, D.C. was a stroller-pushing father wearing an Omar Rodriguez-Lopez Group shirt.

Alvin and the Chipmunks, American Football

Idea: A parody of "All Day" by Kanye West about Old Bay Seasoning.

Idea: A parody of "All Day" by Kanye West about breakfast being served all day.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

33. Being a Little Person (Review, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Thinking about your boy? Now you can send him to Yale." (True Detective, S02E08)
  • "" (True Detective, S02E08)
  • True Detective Season Grade: D-
  • "Denial is a special privilege of the rich." (The Strain, S02E05)
  • "You got caught pounding ass in a public restroom. That's some A-Rod shit." (Ballers, S01E08)

"Now make them all make fun of the blonde one."

Community (Rick and Morty, S02E03)

  • Sad ending (Rick and Morty, S02E03)
  • "You're like some kind of cross-dressing Jedi manure spreader." (WWE Raw, 08-10-15)
  • Rusev-ied Bulgarian flag (WWE Raw, 08-10-15)

Hello Nasty (Mr. Robot, S01E08)

  • "Thanks to our modern collective disinterest in privacy, I was able to find basic information about my sex target rapidly." (Review, S02E03)
  • "Much like sex, we have had it!" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E26)

(Friends of the People, S02E05)

  • Rectify Season Grade: C-
  • "Jack Crawford, fisher of men, watching my cork move against the current." (Hannibal, S03E11)
  • "The essence of the worst in the human spirit is not found in the crazy sons of bitches. Ugliness is found in the faces of the crowd." (Hannibal, S03E11)
  • The red team's pathetic performance (Race to Escape, S01E04)