1. the official bench logo

is that a man lifting a barbell...or krang?

2. the article on god and the afterlife that's prominently linked on the main page

3. this 300 lb bench press club testimonial

4. the jokes section

You Know You're A Bodybuilder If....
Your wife/girlfriend just up and left you one day.

5. the exercise database man

• Critical Bench – Weight Lifting, Weight Training, Strength Tips

the meme that keeps on giving

jon - i hate you/

i am being haunted by this song.

i was at a "hard rock cafe" this week, (client insisted), and there was a girl singing a bunch of pop songs. the one that she butchered the most was "viva la vida" by coldplay," in a horrible falsetto, for some reason

and then there is this  :

viva la viral

i need susan powter by my side right now.

i recently bought my first vehicle.

i am a late bloomer.

my father said to me "i didn't think that you were EVER going to drive," which is slightly unnerving, and makes me think that he looked at me as some sort of failure....

anyway - it is an older vehicle, and doesn't have a cd player, or mp3 abilities.

so i am limited to cassettes or radio. any of you punks know what a cassette is?

thankfully, i am a bit of a pack rat, and still have a massive collection of cassettes lying around my house, (i was hoping to convert all of them to mp3's one day, since a lot of the artists just aren't available in ANY form anymore).

i used to be a rapper-kid, and the ONLY thin i listened to was rap. in fact, my motto used to be "not rap? it's crap!"

here are the cassettes that i am still proud to own :

kool g. rap & polo - road to the riches (genius album)

beastie boys - licensed to ill, and paul's boutique (which came in 5 different colours)

run dmc - raising hell, and tougher than leather

there are other, but those are the super-important ones, (in terms of rap history), and ones that still don't seem to be too tired.

these ones make me wonder WTF was i thinking :

HDV - sex, drugs & violence (a lyric from his famous song "pimp of the microphone" is this : "i pimp the microphone like a pimp pimp's a prostitute". thanks for clearing that up for us. i wasn't clear on what you meant until you explained it).

fat boys - this is just embarrassing that i own ANYTHING by them, nevermind their full discography. on cassette. all they seem to rap about is eating and farting. "i eat some beans, and very soon, every body in the place would just leave the room. and for some reason i can't reveal, so pass a banana, so i can peel".

the list goes on.....

THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE SHOW ON CABLE TELEVISION.

On the season premiere of Ace of Cakes, Jon and Kate and their eight visit. All that's missing is Jay Mariotti.

I heard Adam Carolla as the voice of a taxi cab on Wizards of Waverly Place.

Vince McMahon amuses himself:

In FCW (WWE developmental), Abe's middle name was "Saddam."

Television Show Idea: A look behind the scenes at a wrestling entertainment giant, a la Sports Night. If you just rip from past headlines, you have enough material for at least ten seasons.

Good God, will Trekkie be this year's zeitgeist Halloween costume? It's no Joker, but what is the competition? Brüno? Paul Blart?

I'm not sure Watchmen was successful enough to inspire many Rorschachs.

Whoa. Eddie Murphy nearly starred in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home!

Navigating blogs can feel like this:

On a line, left is backward and right is forward.

In time, previous is backward and next is forward.

But you read a blog backward, so Previous is normally left and forward and Next is right and backward — backward is forward and forward is backward.

But on Adam Riff™ and other select web sites, Previous is left and backward and Next is right and forward, so Previous is forward in time and Next is backward.

Resign is the opposite of re-sign.

I really love 'A' so I thought I'd give this recipe a try. My DH is allergic to 'B', so I substituted 'C', and there's no way my kids are going to eat 'D', so I left it out. I doubled the amount of 'E' and I didn't have any fresh 'F' on hand so I used canned.

It was awful! Stay away from this recipe!!!

— Every review on every cooking site

• Great Moments in Cinema Ruined by Cookies
• Hotel Room Covered In Melted Cheese
• The Punchable Faces of...Adam Duritz!

I somehow missed the first one.

Oh!

• The OMGWTFDVD Collection

Super.

Every week during Raw, WWE inserts absurdly insecure trivia bumpers.

For Monday's episode: "Did you know? Last Monday, more people watched Raw than any show on ABC, NBC, FOX and CW."

One of these things is conveniently missing...

Idea: A WWE trivia bumper log.

I've been trying to find a reason to visit Los Angeles and may have two.

1. The UCLA Film and Television Archive curated a series of Mexican Sci-Fi Classics to screen in August with free admission.

"Heroic masked wrestler 'Santo' neutralizes macho Martian invaders."

2. Harvey Danger plays its last California show at Largo around the same time. Tickets are still available for the band's last show ever in Seattle a week later, but it conflicts with the screening of Santo vs. La Invasion de Los Marcianos.

In the July issue of my alumni magazine, I read that when it was unveiled in 1984, the bear statue in Bruin Plaza was billed as the largest bear sculpture in the United States.

What bear statue supplanted it? I wondered.

Google doesn't seem to know.

International Falls, Minnesota is home to the world's largest Smokey the Bear statue, but it was created in 1954 out of wood, so the search narrows to metal bear sculptures created after 1984.

I received the program for this year's San Francisco Jewish Film Festival. You know its audience skews old when you can still order tickets by mail.

Highlights:
» Skin, a Dutch take on The Believer
» Eve, Natalie Portman's directorial debut
» Sidney Turtlebaum, a short in which Derek Jacobi plays an elderly gay man who robs grieving strangers at shivas

Official festival deals include a special Jewish Film Festival flavour at Gelateria Naia (oven-baked ham?) and a free homemade soda with grilled item at Amanda's in Berkeley.

Free homemade soda with grilled item — how very Berkeley. CASH ONLY!!!

• a 42-page retrospective of Blossom
• Proposed Nicknames for All 60 NBA Draftees
• Woman Arrested For Trading Sex For Potato Chips

» It has no soul.

» I didn't expect a 9:15 a.m. screening to be so full.

» Real-time thought: "Classified Alien Autobot Cooperation Act... CAACA. Heh. The acronym sounds like poop."

I forgot to bring a pen or paper, so throughout the screening, I repeated the acronym in my head. "CAACA: Classified Alien Autobot Cooperation Act."

» "21 Guns": the official theme song of Megan Fox. It's a bit like selling a cruise line with an song about heroin addiction, no?

IMDb trivia:

The college scenes were shot at the University of Pennsylvania and Princeton University. Both schools are old rivals; when students at Penn heard that Bay had chosen to also shoot scenes at Princeton, they were outraged.

Neither Penn nor Princeton are named in the film, because both schools' bodies felt that the Judy Witwicky scenes were damaging to their image.

Before: Judy Witwicky? What?
After: Ah.

» The actor who plays the frat boy in the tight shirt plays the same character on Greek.

» Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants, voices the negro twins. Is Revenge of the Fallen his Soul Man?

He also voiced Nute Gunray for the Clone Wars series. No shame in his game.

» I await a YouTube montage of Shia LaBeef's seizing — as the Transformer Intersect, when Megatron probes him...

» Real-time thought: "The boy is the map — this is the plot of Waterworld."

» Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci wrote both Star Trek and Revenge of the Fallen. Both films halt in the middle so aged characters can lazily explain it all at once via narration.

» I wonder if Paramount forbade Michael Bay from incorporating the Eiffel Tower, as its destruction is a set piece in G.I. Joe.

Special effects spent seven months setting up a 1000-gallon gasoline bomb for an explosion in the Giza Guerilla. It took longer to set up the bomb than it took to shoot the whole film.

» Interesting handling of Shia's mid-shoot hand injury.

» I missed Devastator's wrecking ball testicles . I was distracted with "CAACA" when I heard John Turturro say "scrotum," and before my eyes could focus, the film cut to another scene.

» I can understand not wanting to deface the mural inside Al Khazneh, but archaeologists never bothered to explore the inside of that pyramid?

» Considering his name is in the title and he waited tens of millenniums for revenge, The Fallen's defeat is awfully anti-climactic. Old Man Transformer puts up a better fight!

Three of the film's action sequences were shot with IMAX cameras. However, because of the increased resolution created from using IMAX it took the ILM animators five days to render one frame of those scenes with the Transformers.

It took 140 terabytes to process the CGI for all the robots in this film.

How will Michael Bay top himself in Transformers 3?

It's gotta be Transformers 3D, right? Megan Fox's rack — in yo face!

—transformers: dawn of the dinobots

Shift from cars to creatures — a live-action Beast Wars!

With Wikipedia's help, I cobbled together a treatment:

The Transformers travel back in time and land on ancient Earth. It proves to be poisonous to both factions' robot forms, forcing them to take on alternate organic forms for protection.

Megatron discovers a buried Autobot Ark and decides to kill the Optimus Prime lying in The Ark in stasis lock, altering the timeline and preventing the Autobots from defeating the Decepticons.

Eh? A little Back to the Future, a little Terminator...

The money shot: Optimus Prime fights a Tyrannosaurus rex.

• R2-D2 Spotted Hiding in "Star Trek" Movie
• R2-D2 Appears in Transformers 2

If the trend holds, RD-D2 will cameo in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

I'm surprised that Carol Bartz hasn't signed a Yahoo! Answers book or television deal yet.

The Yahoo! Answers Show on VH1. Comedians snappily answer stupid questions.

"Hello?"
"Hikedi! It's Dice."
"Sup?"
"You want to do something tonight?"
"I can't. We have a game. I have to be in the pen."
"Oh. Right."

"Hello?"
"Chien! It's Dice."
"Hi."
"You want to do something tonight?"
"I can't. We have a game. I have to pitch."
[pause]
"Really?"

"Hello?"
"Dontrelle! It's Dice."
"Yo."
"I heard you're on the DL. You want to do something tonight?"
[disconnect tone]

"Hi, you've reached the voice-mail of Gene Hackman. Leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as possible."
[beep]

"Moshi moshi! Japan national baseball team."
"Fuck you."

• Soviet Russian Album Covers

"Alright guys. Get in order from least to most likely to appear on Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians."

related: The Jealous Sound is going on tour with Sunny Day Real Estate!

Quit Your Day Job: Shinedown.

Airline radio will outlast newspapers.

Red-eye flights are the only sensible way to fly cross-country eastbound, as you can easily lose a day with the time change (4-6 hours + 2-3 hours). I'd rather lose sleep than time.

My red-eye flight flew parallel to an electrical storm. 'Twas a neat sight.

Idea: GPS Air. Replace a commercial airplane's inner window panes with transparent projection screens on which passengers can overlay a map to see exactly what they're currently flying over.

What is that lit area below?

My middle-aged Indian taxi driver's mobile rang.

"You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no..."

At DTW:

I can't believe this terminal corridor has an indoor train in addition to moving walkways. It's like riding an elevator to the second floor of a building. Lazy!

//fast forward//

[panting, sweating]

Oh man... This is longer than Sky Harbour! Why are all the gates for west-coast-bound flights located at the very end?"

"Enjoy Boingo access anywhere in the airport for a full 24 hours."

24 hours — in an airport? That might be reasonable during winter...

Free wi-fi should be standard in airports.

Instead of paying for internet, I people-watched.

Flip-flops.

"Why is he walking so oddly?"
"Both of his big toes were amputated, so he has to secure flip-flops between his index and middle toes."

5 footlong? Oh and an arrow pointing to his crotch. HI-larious!

Google returns variant shirts that read "$5 footlong."

Would you rather openly declare that your penis may impale sexual partners or that you are a bargain gigolo?

What do you think is the fattest air travel route in America? It's definitely a Southwest route.

• THEY'RE SO BRAVE