My presence alone can exterminate masses

A Davis high school student allegedly baked her grandfather's ashes into a batch of sugar cookies and gave them to classmates, some of whom were aware they contained human remains before they ate them, authorities said Tuesday.

Andy Knox, a student at the school, told KCRA-TV that he was just about to go into his environmental science class when a girl in the same class offered him a cookie. When she told him there was a special ingredient, he assumed it was marijuana.

"I didn't believe her until she pulled out the urn," he said.

Knox said that the cookie didn't taste unusual but "if you ever ate sand as a kid, you know, you can kind of feel it crunching in between your teeth. So, there was a little tiny bit of that."


I mean, sure…

You like dinosaurs? Have a lava-coloured candy bracelet.

Jurassic World-branded ring pops are at least shaped like claws.


Squeeyore.

Intrepi-glet?

Tsundoku

That's Jonas Jerebko's bed?

How tall is he?

6'10".

MAREE designs and creates the world's largest luxury beds.

OUR CLIENTS
Zaza Pachulia
Ilya Kovalchuk
Plaxico Burress
Jonathan Papelbon
Hulk Hogan

When Kevin Love is too depressed to get out of his massive bed.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

41. Springfield for Hitler (South Park, S22E03)


Stray Observations

  • "Whoa! A secret arcade."
    "It's exactly how I always imagined Craig Kilborn's garage." (Bob's Burgers, S09E02)
  • "The only way to knock over Family Funtime is to do it in one shot. Hit 'em before they know what hit 'em."
    "Like a bris." (Bob's Burgers, S09E02)
  • "I have saved the whales. I have saved the children. Your sister started a school in Belize for girls with Belizean problems." (Kidding, S01E05)
  • "You're good at the quiet arts, like conveying disdain." (Kidding, S01E05)
  • Better Call Saul Season Grade: C
  • Mr. Inbetween Season Grade: C
  • "Time and time again, history has shown the hubris of men knows no bounds. Have we learned nothing from Attila the Hun, Herod the Great…Mark Zuckerberg?!" (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E05)
  • "No, there's also pictures of roadkill and roast beef sandwiches to accurately depict what a vagina looks like." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E06)
  • "Yeah, but are you more gay than you are Catholic?"
    "I don't know. They're at war." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E06)
  • "As far as I can tell, the whole floor is abandoned. What do they use it for? Storage?"
    "No, this is the journalism department." (The Good Place, S03E04)
  • "Okay, so you can write off Borderlands and Assassin's Creed, but these other ones, I don't know, it's too much." (The Romanoffs, S01E02)
  • ♫: Kendrick Lamar – "DNA" (The Romanoffs, S01E02)
  • ♫: Cake – "I Will Survive" (The Romanoffs, S01E02)
  • "What do I do in the future?"
    "You're a TV personality Nick Star, of course, and you have your own show on Nitflax. It's a cartoon about how you rocked as a kid."
    "And do I like it?"
    "You don't mind it, although you'd like to do more dramatic roles."
    "How come?"
    "I don't know. It's a pure ego thing." (Big Mouth, S02E06)
  • "Yeah, I'll have two scoops of that white shit he was talking about." (Big Mouth, S02E06)
  • "Okay, if it's Greg's, why are you wearing it?"
    "To warm it up."
    "What?"
    "You know when you put on a fresh locket, and it's just too darn cold on your skin?" (Big Mouth, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?


Never fight a man with a perm

Steven: Do you know Mariah Carey? Like, I want to be her for Halloween with a Michael Myers mask and wig, but I need to know if she has any iconic thing I can also wear.
Jon: [pause]

Steven: Mariah Carey's face looks exactly like the Michael Myers mask.
Steven: https://www.google.com/search?q=mariah%20carey%20michael%20myers
Jon: Okay… So you want to be Mariah Carey wearing a mask of her own face? Mariah Carey with a rotten face?
Steven: No, bruh, Michael Myers dressed as Mariah Carey!
Jon: You're just gonna look like Michael Myers in drag.


Adam Robot: I was checking out what shows were coming up here, just in case I missed something. I see there's a Linkin Park tribute band coming. FFS. Imagine going to that.
Jon: I might, just to experience Mike Shinoda adjace.

Adam Robot:

Adam Robot: It's gotta be the guy with the flat brim.
Jon: Oh man… Method rapping. Chester adjace too!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


40. The Seattle crowd boos Kevin Owens and Elias into oblivion (WWE Raw, 10-01-18)


Honourable Mention

  • "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" by William Wordsworth (Shameless, S09E04)
  • Mac and Charlie beat the unholy crap out of a gang of children (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E05)

Stray Observations

  • "I'm not boy crazy. I've never felt more boy sane." (Bob's Burgers, S09E01)
  • "No loud noises."
    "I'll tell my butt." (Bob's Burgers, S09E01)
  • "I could go for another visit to the boy-ffet." (Bob's Burgers, S09E01)
  • "What's a Weinstein?"
    "Being manipulative and pathetic."
    "About the only way I ever get sex is being manipulative and pathetic."
    "You ever jack off into a potted plant? Ask for massages wearing an open bathrobe? Hmm? Rape a couple dozen?"
    "Allegedly."
    "No…"
    "Then you're probably an Ansari."
    "What's an Ansari?"
    "That's just being a dick." (Shameless, S09E04)
  • "You're a congressman again. What are you going to do?"
    "Absolutely nothing." (Shameless, S09E04)


Chris Partlow's computer-generated pelvis (The Deuce, S02E04)

  • "Brace yourself."
    "What?" (The Deuce, S02E04)
  • "Hey, dad, I lost my tooth in my breakfast panini." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "I can't replace Jeff with a Styrofoam head and then look him in the eye over osso buco." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "And then I loved her in the pussy." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "Hate doesn't punish who you think it does." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "The world is a perfect circle of endless possibilities."
    "It's not a circle. It's a hole." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "I mean, look at us. 30. Single. Black. Out here thriving. Looking like all three Jennifer Hudsons." (Insecure, S03E08)
  • Insecure Season Grade: C
  • "Tear-jerking dramas like Love, Actually and BASEketball." (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 10-02-18)
  • "I am a 2018 Range Rover woman!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E05)
  • "Do you know how much weird stuff has happened because of your little experiment? England left Europe. That Hugh Jackman musical about P.T. Barnum, it made like 400 million dollars. Also, the Jacksonville Jaguars are good now."
    "Impossible!"
    "I'm serious! They're going to make the playoffs! Blake Bortles is…kind of okay, maybe? I don't know, it's…being debated amongst experts." (The Good Place, S03E03)
  • "I mean, because of you, Byron Allen owns the Weather Channel now."
    "Is, is that bad?"
    "I don't know, but it's weird, man!" (The Good Place, S03E03)
  • "Everyone was there for some other book – boy witch – written by a homeless British teacher, of all things!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E01)
  • "Whoa. An RV's no place to be sad…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E01)


Legion Admiral Fukuyama costume? (Into the Dark: The Body, S01E01)

  • "Oh, shit, man! I was just on VentureBeat's list of 40 under 40! I can't die like this!" (Into the Dark: The Body, S01E01)
  • "He's like Tracy Morgan. I don't know if he knows he's being funny, but he's fucking funny." (Big Mouth, S02E01)
  • "What is that? An undershirt?"
    "Uhh, it's Kirkland Signature? They also make water." (Big Mouth, S02E02)
  • "What do you know, Fillion? You're just a sex symbol for nerds and geriatrics!"
    "Gasp!"
    "And you have way more hair than you really need!" (Big Mouth, S02E02)
  • Golf Lundgren (Big Mouth, S02E04)
  • "Get out!" (Big Mouth, S02E05)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?


Who knew evil girls had the prettiest face?

Fighting Game Idea: Top Dawg, a TDE-branded spiritual successor to the Def Jam games of the '00s.

The roster is TDE artists and their contemporaries.

Instead of artists fighting, perhaps the fighters are characters inspired by aliases.

Kung Fu Kenny (Kendrick Lamar)
Groovy Tony (ScHoolboy Q)
Eastside Johnny (Jay Rock)
Mayday (Ab-Soul)
Lord Flacko (A$AP Rocky)
Champagne Papi (Drake)
Hendrix (Future)
kiLL edward (J. Cole)
Bobby Tarantino (Logic)
Mr. Solo Dolo (Kid Cudi)
Huncho (Quavo)
La Flame (Travis Scott)
Wolf Haley (Tyler, the Creator)
Crippy Teigen (Vince Staples)
Slimer (Young Thug)

Rory: No, you unlock alter egos.
Jon: Ooh, I like that.

Buster Busts Loose!

VS.
A troubled foster kid uses his scathing word skills to become an unlikely rap battle champion. But when he doorsteps his biological mother after ten years in care, he is forced to face his toughest opponent yet: His Past.

8 MILE meets BOY A. VS. is an inspirational rites of passage drama set in the exciting UK rap battling scene.

8 Mile meets Boy A – ah so…

I always confuse Boy A and Never Let Me Go.


Penelope "Punky" Brewster is a warm, funny and bright child. Her father walked out on her family, then her mother abandoned her at a Chicago shopping center, leaving Punky alone with her dog Brandon.

This was the premise for a children's show.


JUMPMAN
Denis grew up in an orphanage, where his mother left him soon after his birth. He is a special boy, who due to a rare illness is immune to pain. This makes him popular among other boys, who take bets on how long he can endure cruel physical games.

One day his mother turns up out of the blue and takes him to Moscow, where he becomes part of a gang that extracts money from wealthy people. Denis becomes a "jumpman" – someone who jumps in front of cars to blackmail the drivers.

Reunited with his mother, Denis feels that this new life is a dream come true until one day… he starts feeling pain again.

This new life of jumping in front of cars to blackmail wealthy people is a dream come true.

The Road Movie meets Logan.