Curly-Haired Slacker

[browsing celebrity guests for this year's Silicon Valley Comic Con]

Pam Grier? The dude who played Mr. McFeely on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood?

Comic cons have become county fairs for actors.

There was an Asian girl on Stranger Things?

Who ARE these people? And why would anyone want to meet them?


Magic! had a number one single and can't even headline live entertainment at a marijuana convention.

Canna-cons have quietly become comic cons for reggae and rap artists.

So long as canna-cons exist, Bob Marley's grandchildren will never want for anything.

Oh, 311 is headlining Cannabis Cup Nor-Cal. Come original!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

17. Pump Pump (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E14)

Honourable Mention

  • Piss Montage (Fargo, S03E01)

Stray Observations

RT: "Originally, we wanted to do an Anthony Bourdain balloon because of the idea that celebrity chefs had disappeared en masse. We got Bourdain's photo in the pilot, but [when he was approached about Season 3] Bourdain was like, 'No! No Bourdain balloon!'" (The Leftovers, S03E01)

  • RT: The blood squib when Dean dies is one of the biggest I've seen. (The Leftovers, S03E01)

(Veep, S06E01)

  • "Without him, we don't have a Chinaman's chance."
    "I'm sorry, Ben. Here at Uber and in the rest of the world, the word 'Chinaman' is considered inappropriate."
    "No no no, it's okay. My wife is Oriental. All of them have been. I kinda got yellow fev-ah." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "And that is why I am taking this opportunity to announce my charitable organization, the Meyer Fund for Adult Literacy."
    "Certainly a worthwhile cause, but if we could bring it back to Sherman Tanz—"
    "And AIDS."
    "Wow. AIDS."
    "Yes, AIDS. AIDS is a big part of the tapestry." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "I feel like we're celebrating my frat house gang rape, except I didn't even get a candlelight vigil."
    "I love candles." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "Son of a Sam. Offices in the South Bronx? I'm not the President of the Dominican Republic." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "The National Association for Transgender People would like to give you an award."
    "Oh. Well, that's nice. Tell them I accept. Them?"
    "It's 'her.'"
    "Him. I don't know. Tell the bearded ladies I'm coming." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "What's going on with the speeches?"
    "Let's see. We have the National Auto Dealers for $100,000."
    "You've gotta be kidding me. That's half of what Hughes gets. That is pure sexism. You call those people back and you tell them that I was the first female President of the United States and I will not work for less than 87 cents on the dollar." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "I am so sorry to hear about Uber."
    "Oh, God, a bunch of dumb-ass millennials, you know, too lazy to learn how to drive drunk." (Veep, S06E01)
  • "Shlomo Tanz is radioactive. He can read the newspaper on the toilet by the light of his own shit." (Veep, S06E01)
  • Plastic on hotel beds (Feud, S01E07)
  • "She's gassing us all with her VapoRub for show." (Feud, S01E07)
  • "I don't do bitches. They make me so unhappy. You should call my sister." (Feud, S01E07)
  • Coca-Cola photo-op (Feud, S01E06)
  • Flatline clock (24: Legacy, S01E12)
  • 24: Legacy Season Grade: D
  • Strowman binning Kalisto (WWE Raw, 04-17-17)
  • "She's like the Precious of Iraq." (Superior Donuts, S01E11)
  • "Can anything be too Ben Carson?" (Superior Donuts, S01E11)
  • "Death isn't about deserving. It's just part of the deal." (Bates Motel, S05E09)
  • "Cracker Barrel. It always helps to mention Cracker Barrel."
    "Well, I think it's great you let Margaret play inside. It's a hot one out there. I was thinking of going over to Cracker Barrel because they've got such great air conditioning." (Better Call Saul, S03E02)
  • "You sound like you're outdoors. Are you staying out of the sun? It's a hot one today. I'm sorry, but Jimmy is unavailable at the moment. If you'd like to leave a message, Mr. Ehrman…traut? Trout, like the fish? Uh, I hear Cracker Barrel has excellent air— This one really don't wanna talk about Cracker Barrel." (Better Call Saul, S03E02)
  • "Have you guys had the soup over at Cracker Barrel today?" (Better Call Saul, S03E02)
  • "Terry puts out." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E14)
  • "No matter what happens, we'll feel better knowing we didn't resort to blackmail."
    "I agree. From now on, the only black male I want anything to do with is you." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E14)
  • "White people love to shorten their names." (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E20)
  • Helpful Ember-narrated previously-on (The Magicians, S02E13)
  • "I look like Jack Sparrow if he were played by a man." (The Magicians, S02E13)
  • ♫: Manchester String Quartet – "Best Day of My Life" (The Magicians, S02E13)
  • The Magicians Season Grade: C
  • "Where are you from?"
    "America…" (Fargo, S03E01)
  • Ashton belittling Vanck to the camera with Vanck next to her (The Amazing Race, S29E04)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Better Call Saul
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


24 Hour Revenge Therapy

This thing is the Vanna White of sports:

A pitch is literally surrounded by LED displays that can convey the same information – and more clearly.

When someone refers to a sports analyst as "Coach"…

NO! A coach is not a doctor! He hasn't coached in years! Or he failed as a coach! That's why he's analyzing a sport instead of, you know, coaching it!

Dodgeball 2 is set to reprise all of the original characters roles and is set 20 years after the original. [source]

D2 Dodgeball.

Ed looks like the Crypt Keeper, and James… Oh, James…

Eater's Digest: Las Vegas 4

Previously on Adam Riff™:

O.M.G. Burger (LVB Burgers)
duck burger stuffed with muenster cheese, smoked ketchup, heirloom tomato, watercress, roasted duck mayo
—Where I began to wonder if I actually love duck, or if I just love Peking duck.

March 2017
morimoto / sugarcane / the buffet at wynn / beauty and essex / the buffet at bellagio / chengdu taste / royce' / sugarcane / the buffet at wynn / yonaka modern japanese / shang artisan noodle / sweets raku / wicked spoon buffet / naked city tavern / bacchanal buffet / sugarcane / bacchanal buffet / tacos el gordo / sushisamba / the buffet at wynn

Ichigo (Sweets Raku)
balloon-shaped thin white chocolate cup filled with pie crust and strawberry mousse, served with strawberry candy filled with strawberry sorbet and condensed milk mousse

^ Standing fuckin' ovation. I was delighted to discover sorbet inside the candy strawberry.

Angel Cream (Sweets Raku)
fromage blanc mousse and pear mousse with earl grey cookies and dark chocolate

Hamachi Tacos (Morimoto)
yuzu kosho, avocado, lime

Petite crunchy raw fish tacos are ubiquitous in Vegas – and I will always order them.

Another trend: Beef cocktails.

Wagyu Manhattan (Morimoto)
iwai whisky, melted wagyu lard, walnut liquor, walnut bitters, burnt orange peel

Wagyu Manhattan (Sugarcane)
wagyu-infused iwai japanese whisky, walnut bitters

Wagyu Old Fashioned (Sushisamba)
japanese whisky treated to a wash of the highest-grade wagyu before being stirred with maple and salted caramel

A barman at (Morimoto) explaining its drink menu: "We have blah blah blah blah blah…and Moromito beers."

Toro Tartare (Morimoto)
wasabi, nori paste, sour cream, sturgeon caviar

^ A clunky deconstruction. My server explaining it: "Toro with blah blah blah blah blah…and Morimoto guacamole."

Tuna Pizza (Morimoto)
anchovy aioli, olives, jalapeno

^ Barman: "As seen on the cover of Morimoto's cookbook." "Are staff paid by how many times they say 'Morimoto'?" I wondered.

Duck Duck Goose (Morimoto)
duck meatball soup, duck confit fried rice, gooseberry compote

^ Rekindled my love of duck. The soup is potent.


(Naked City Tavern) is a smoky, skeezy off-Strip pub that serves some of the most interesting food in Vegas.

Crawfish "Popcorn" (Naked City Tavern)
crispy crawfish tails, butter dust, naked city seven pepper hot sauce

Duck Confit Lasagna (Naked City Tavern)
in-house noodles, duck-laced ragu, fresh mozzarella, pecorino, sweet basil

Bacon Candle (Naked City Tavern)
a square of solidified pork fat with a wick surrounded by a ring of sweet balsamic reduction, two high-end salts, and both bacon and basil powder

I saw a sign outside (Harrah's) promoting a "Bizzurger."

I thought it was white people being lame, but upon closer inspection, it's a burger with pizzas as its buns.

Design Firm: Oh shit! Sbarro's rebrand is due today!

(Miracle Mile Shops)

(Beauty and Essex) is, of course, Chopped judge Chris Santos' chain of restaurants hidden inside pawn shops.

Grilled Cheese, Smoked Bacon, and Tomato Soup Dumplings (Beauty and Essex)

Hand Cut Steak Tartare (Beauty and Essex)
crispy mustard and chive sticky rice cake
—Damn, I love raw proteins served in/on crispy carbs.

"Fish and Chips" Tacos (Beauty and Essex)
beer-battered chilean sea bass, chile-lime slaw, crispy matchstick potatoes

^ The crispy matchstick potatoes are wholly unnecessary, but welcome.

Peanut Butter Pie Sundae (Beauty and Essex)
peanut butter ice cream, chocolate sauce, chocolate chunks, crushed pretzels

^ Vegas Seven named it the best dessert in Vegas. Ehh…

Nutella Sundae (Sugarcane)
nutella ice cream, nutella hazelnut brownie, cracker jacks

^ Nutella ice cream doesn't taste like anything. Nutella isn't good diluted.

Torrejas (Sugarcane)
caramelized apples, maple butter, cinnamon ice cream

^ Oversold to me [it's French toast], but I lapped up every drop of the melted maple butter.

Goat Cheese Croquettes (Sugarcane)
membrillo marmalade

Foie Gras Bastilla (Sugarcane)
pistachio duck leg confit, golden raisin puree

Fat Duck Makimono (Yonaka Modern Japanese)
crispy foie gras, eel, gruyere, bacon, avocado, foie gras caramel, spicy aioli

^ Perplexing sushi. Liver, eel, gruyere, avocado… The crispy foie gras is a garnish?! And the bacon, or what I assume was bacon, was jerky tough.

Chicken Sesame Cold Noodle (Shang Artisan Noodle)
shredded chicken breast, sesame sauce, veggies
—The one time I find this dish on a menu, it's bland.

Boiled Fish with Green Pepper Sauce (Chengdu Taste)

^ If water-boiled fish made with red peppers is a show-er, then this green chili counterpart is a grower. You don't realize how spicy the fish is until your tongue is numb.

Toothpick Lamb with Cumin (Chengdu Taste)

^ You can't go wrong with lamb and cumin. Individually skewering chunks of lamb seems like a waste of toothpicks, though.


Mt. Fuji (Andrea's)

"Pan con Chocolate" (Jaleo)
chocolate custard with caramelized bread, olive oil, and brioche ice cream

"Gin and Tonic" (Jaleo)
gin and tonic sorbet, fizzy tonic "espuma," lemon, and aromatics

Guava Chiffon Pancakes (Cinnamon's Restaurant)

Cookie Dough Baked Alaska (Cut)
baileys, milk chocolate ganache, espresso salt

Graham Central Station Ice Cream (Handel's Homemade Ice Cream and Yogurt)
graham cracker-flavoured ice cream with graham ripple and chocolate-covered honeycomb crunch

Yellowtail "Pastrami" (Morimoto)
togarashi, gin creme fraiche, candied olive, morimoto grapeseed oil


Fiery Salty Caramel Chocolate Tarte (Morimoto)
dark chocolate sorbet, marshmallow, salty caramel ganache, spiced rum


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. Braun Strowman savagely attacks Roman Reigns (WWE Raw, 04-10-17)

Honourable Mention

  • Downriver Ale / Little Caesars / Chrysler Pacifica ads (Detroiters, S01E10)

Stray Observations

  • Homeland Season Grade: D
  • John Waters as William Castle (Feud, S01E06)
  • "Does the syntax concern anyone else here at the table?" (Feud, S01E06)
  • "I don't know how to be alone."
    "We'll be alone together." (Feud, S01E06)
  • "It's Louisiana. Everything has the sweet smell of rot." (Feud, S01E06)
  • "It's our burden, except we don't get a hashtag." (American Crime, S03E05)
  • "You're dancing with a hot chick under protest." (Crashing, S01E08)
  • "It's like Jambi's house." (Crashing, S01E08)
  • "Don't each french fries with your foot." (Crashing, S01E08)
  • Crashing Season Grade: C-
  • "Pull yourself together and go out there and make Teddy feel like he's the most interesting man on Earth. I want him to think he's Andy Borowitz when this is all done." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E13)

(Fresh Off the Boat, S03E19)

  • ♫: Peter Gabriel – "Lay Your Hands on Me" (The Americans, S05E06)
  • Al Borland (Detroiters, S01E10)
  • "Rick Mahorn from the Pistons has a car dealership? I did not know that." (Detroiters, S01E10)
  • "Bicken Bones." (Detroiters, S01E10)
  • Rick Mahorn acting (Detroiters, S01E10)
  • Detroiters Season Grade: C+
  • "There was a great king on Earth who had a philosophy: Hakuna matata." (The Magicians, S02E12)
  • ♫: Migos – "Handsome and Wealthy" (The Magicians, S02E12)
  • "Welcome to Vancouver" (The Magicians, S02E12)

(Archer, S08E02)

  • "Honor is very important to my people."
    "The Japanese."
    "No, pitchers."
    "It's offensive to my people."
    "The Japanese."
    "No, Free Masons. I am a man who wears many hats." (Brockmire, S01E03)
  • "Co-exist." (Powerless, S01E08)
  • "Archie, as my blood brother, it was your sole responsibility to ensure that something like this never happened on my birthday. Now we're here, in the middle of a Seth Rogen movie." (Riverdale, S01E10)
  • Molly Ringwald (Riverdale, S01E10)
  • "QR codes are the herpes of mobile technology." (Shark Tank, S08E21)
  • Pepsi ad director continuity (Saturday Night Live, S42E18)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Legion
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


Hold My Beer

Previously on Adam Riff™ (July 2008):

Apparently [Tony] Jaa walked off the set [of Ong Bak 2] two months ago, stressed over the work load of his directorial debut.

Some reports say that Jaa has retreated to some remote caves in northern Thailand to meditate and / or practice black magic.

In 2010, Tony Jaa rode an elephant to a Buddhist temple in Surin, Thailand, where he shaved his head, took vows, and was officially ordained as a Buddhist monk.

In 2017, Tony Jaa is pursuing pop stardom:

Jackie Chan is a pop star.

Idea: A musical starring a bunch of action stars. Bruce Willis sings. Steven Seagal sings.

Fast and Fortissimo. Vin Diesel sings. The Rock sings. Tyrese.

Starring Wesley Snipes, Anne Heche, WWE superstar Seth Rollins, and Gene Simmons

Someone is killing contenders for a college scholarship!

New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry

Raisins is Hooters. Mister Jiu's is Chinese. Why not use City Wok?

And how can you approximate South Park in San Francisco without a pop-up Vernacular? Or Seinfeld in San Francisco without a non-fat yogurt shop?

Turn Raisins into the Chinese Restaurant.

Seinfeld vending machine: Junior Mints, Pez, Snickers packaged with a disposable knife and fork, Chunkys, Drake's Coffee Cakes, Jujyfruits…

Diet Coke? No, that's Friends.

Gosu's unusual combination was inspired by Tran's high-school passions: bubble tea and EDM.

The full menu will feature quirky eats like fruit sushi, bacon-wrapped avocado fries, and mini octopus corn dogs.