Because when I think of Hanukkah, I think of flying fish roe and salmon skin.

Shrimp tempura needs more shrimp and less vegetables. Who wants to eat battered, deep-fried broccoli or squash? Even the potato slice is unappetizing.

Aji tataki is the apotheosis of sashimi.

• The Top Five Lines From Soulja Boy's New Single
• Charles Barkley Is Ron Burgundy?
• The 8 Most Preposterous Movie Computer Moments

Previously on Adam Riff™:

An American Crime, which just premiered at Sundance, dramatizes "the single worst crime perpetrated against an individual in Indiana's history."

After reading Wikipedia's primer, I'm inclined to say it's the single worst crime perpetrated against an individual in ALL of history.

With no real box office prospects, An American Crime will open quietly Saturday night on Showtime.

Critics rave:

Ellen Page is incredible, even if her most of her performance involves lying still and being beaten. [more]

Jaguar Love and The Wombats are playing shows in San Francisco soon.

Both shows are at Popscene, however, which is 18+, doesn't sell advance tickets, and opens its doors at ten on a Thursday night.

Bleh.

The last club show I attended was Doomriders at the Beat Kitchen in Chicago three years ago. I think I can wait a bit longer for return engagements.

• If This Guy Can Date Natalie Portman, Then We All Have A Shot
• Where Big Bone Goes Into Beaver
• Garfield Minus Garfield's Words

I intended to ask whether Adam on The Paper is Jewish or Hispanic.

Then I saw this clip.

He's Jewish.

Like most of the cast.

What an eclectic collection of Jews!

Green Porno.

On the drive to work today, I heard "Fly" by Sugar Ray on Star 101.3, and Super Cat's breakdown — the best part of the song — was missing! I guess it was too ethnic for an adult contemporary station.

For a long time, I thought Super Cat and Sugar Ray's DJ were the same guy in the video for "Fly," and his omnipresence amazed me. He's sitting poolside, the camera pans into the pool, and he's in the pool! Whaaa?

I'd include Sugar Ray's DJ among the least essential band members of the 90s, along with the rapper in 311, the dancer in The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, U-God in the Wu-Tang Clan, and the guy who says "you gotta keep 'em separated" when The Offspring perform "Come Out and Play."

The Paper is my new favourite television series. It bucks the conventional wisdom that a show needs likable characters to succeed.

For the uninitiated, The Paper follows Amanda, the editor-in-chief of a high school newspaper, and her editorial staff, who hate her with the passion of the Christ.

I should sympathize with Amanda, but she reminds me of the female EIC of my high school paper, whom, as a member of the editorial staff, I resented and disparaged with fellow editors.

I was [sigh] would-be EIC Alex — without the histrionics, though, and a bitchy gay and silent-but-deadly tagalong encouraging me.

Hello, my name is Jon, and I have a problem respecting authority.

I always feel like an idiot after I talk to Drew.

Every conversation of ours inevitably ends with me wondering, "Why did I say that?" His words are 80 proof.

The opening night film at the 2008 Los Angeles Film Festival is Wanted.

The closing night film is Hellboy II.

[pause]

» How much money did Fox throw at Zach Galifianakis to appear in What Happens in Vegas...?

» Idea: "Spare the child, spoil the rod" as a tagline for male abstinence.

» I saw a Prius today with the following bumper stickers: "UC Berkeley," "W '04" and "Yes."

» What happened to all the yellow magnetic ribbons? I must've missed the memo that said we no longer support our troops.

» The Dark Knight's Harvey Dent reminds me of Matthew Modine's character on Weeds.

• 50 Reasons I Can Never Be President
• Poster of the Day
• Adult Mutant Ninja Turtles

related: Walt Disney Pictures presents Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Tired of paying through the nose, Americans try praying at the pump

"Lord, come down in a mighty way and strengthen us so that we can bring down these high gas prices," Twyman said to a chorus of "amens."

"Lord, the prices at this pump have gone up since last week. We know that you are able, that you have all the power in the world."

Jolley led the group in a modified version of the spiritual, "We Shall Overcome."

"We'll have lower gas prices, we'll have lower gas prices..." they sang. [more]

My journalism adviser discouraged me from calling people "retards," but shit...

RETARDS!

While I can't prove that God doesn't exist, I'm pretty confident that God won't lower gas prices.

Hillary and McCain, on the other hand...

The creator of The O.C., Chuck and Gossip Girl is developing a new X-Men movie that will revolve around a teenager who is attending the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. [more]

Should be a television series, not a movie. A teen soap set at the Xavier Institute is a legitimately promising idea.

» Why don't computers in movies ever run Windows or Mac OS? Microsoft and Apple aren't exactly reluctant to place products in entertainment properties. If I had the resources, I'd document all the curious operating systems I've seen in movies. In Iron Man, for example, the Dell in Tony Stark's office runs an OS with a Mac OS X-like dock and Vista Flip 3D-like folder viewing.

• Grand Theft Auto IV's Apple/iPhone parody

» Faux search engines also amuse me. Does Google charge for permission?

• GTA IV's in-game web sites

» One of the faux web sites that you can visit in GTA IV is myroomonline.net, which is also the name of the faux MySpace on Degrassi.

» Speed Racer: The Next Generation premiered last Friday on Nickelodeon. Who greenlit this? Terry Semel?

» I hate when I click on a news headline link and a video opens. Just because you can present news in video form doesn't mean you should.

» The blogosphere contains many strange, miserable people who can't handle watching a movie at a cinema.

» To the homeless woman I passed on University Avenue in Palo Alto: You need to edit down your sign. No one can read a whole paragraph while walking by. Thus, no one will re-consider snubbing you.

» University Avenue is home to an inordinate number of rug stores.

» The Sharks are the Tracy McGrady of hockey.

» As if absurd surcharges aren't enough, Ticketbastard begins selling tickets on weekend mornings.

Why do I think I've seen this Travel Channel special on hamburgers before? [more]

I think everyone's seen that Travel Channel special on hamburgers before.

» This weekend, I discovered that I cannot sleep on couches anymore. After sleeping regularly on a tatami, a couch wreaked absolute havoc on my back.

» Opposite the couch was an unopened Monopoly box that promoted the inclusion of a "speed die," so the game can bore you faster.

» The SFIFF precluded me from attending Maker Faire. What did I miss? Oh... only THE MAN WHO CREATED MACGYVER!

I saw an ad in some paper (read a lot of them on public trans this weekend) for Siegfried and Roy present Darren Romeo, The Voice of Magic, a billing which isn't gonna change anyone's opinion of magic.

I also devoured Entertainment Weekly's summer movie preview issue.

Notes:

» The actual previews continue to shrink. I remember when "also playing"-type flicks received half a page.

» Layout totally phoned in the design for this year's summer preview.

» UN Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie on Wanted: "Now that I'm holding this shotgun, my little boys are going to think I'm so cool when they're 11."

» My interest in WALL•E plummeted after learning that it's almost dialogue-free.

» I'm not sure that Hancock is an improvement over its working title, Tonight, He Comes.

» Director Rob Cohen on The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: "Ever since I converted to Buddhism and made Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, I've wanted to make a movie about China."

» "Kevin Costner is a layabout who choice will decide the presidential election in Swing Vote." Better/worse than the Supreme Court?

With his WWE contract about to expire, Jonathan Coachman was hired for an anchor position at ESPN. [more]

Coachman's attempt to blow up a midget backfires

Hey, Rich Eisen was a stand-up comedian before ESPN hired him.

• Coachman's debut on WWF television opposite The Rock
• Alvin and the Chipmunks sing Coachman's entrance music

The eateries around my office all tune their televisions to CNN during my lunch hour, so I see a lot of The Situation Room, and every day, Wolf Blitzer wheels out Donna Brazile and a mystery Republican for a chat.

Donna Brazile is useless. Go finish second in a horse race! I'm trying to eat!

• Poor Michigan...
• Kraft Launches New Lazy People Food
• Choco-Bacon
• The Art of the Stanley Cup Playoff Beard
• Off-Season Fun With Anti-Meth Ads

Free association: Body Worlds.