Love means never having to say you're zombie

Production values are on the lower end of the spectrum compared to, say, a cornerstone of the genre like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, although the mutant donut prosthetics and snappy lines of dialogue help differentiate this effort from a pure parody like The Attack of the Giant Moussaka. [source]

The world's most dangerous city, with the most dangerous rap group, harassed by the most dangerous police force, will now battle with [the] world's most dangerous huge-ass snake! [source]


After a series of bad relationships, cynical Sean finally meets his true love – Emily. Everything is perfect until she confesses to him she is a "nail clipper monster," a special subtype of humans that eats nail clippers. Can love help him override his suspicions and believe in this tall tale? [source]

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. Fred Poets Society (Saturday Night Live, S41E21)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Torienne (Game of Thrones, S06E04)
  • Daario's trucker mudflap dagger (Game of Thrones, S06E04)
  • The Last Man on Earth Season Grade: C-
  • "It tasted like a big ol' mouthful of divorce." (Cutthroat Kitchen, S12E07)
  • "Compromise is the shared hypotenuse of the Conjoined Triangles of Success." (Silicon Valley, S03E04)
  • "You're gonna cancel this recount like Anne Frank's bat mitzvah." (Veep, S05E04)
  • "Why would China go through Qatar?"
    "Qataris love to insert themselves. They're wet-fingered."
    "They're into ass play?"
    "No, they have a gift for sensing prevailing political winds."
    "I bet they're into ass play too." (Veep, S05E04)
  • Louis C.K. wins (Jeopardy!, 05-18-16)
  • Rhonda straightaway choking Anika (Empire, S02E18)
  • Xzibit (Empire, S02E18)
  • ♫: Desiigner – "Panda" (Empire, S02E18)
  • "Why would you listen to a crackhead?" (Empire, S02E18)
  • Empire Season Grade: D
  • Black-ish Season Grade: C+
  • PMS Bites? (Shark Tank, S07E29)
  • "Maneesh, you're an asshole. Get of the fuck outta here. Fuck you." (Shark Tank, S07E29)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C
  • "Nothing good happens in basements." (Banshee, S04E08)
  • Banshee Season Grade: D
  • Saturday Night Live Season Grade: C-
  • "Pound a taquito, dawg, and relax." (Trailer Park Boys, S10E02)
  • "Comedians don't always have to be on, but you also want to give a little bit more than Rob Reiner." (Lady Dynamite, S01E02)
  • "Hello, you've reached Jack Tripper at Wilkins and Marshall, a division of the Three Company." (Lady Dynamite, S01E04)
  • Maria dates Brandon Routh in S01E04 and Dean Cain in E05 – back-to-back Supermen (Lady Dynamite)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


God, let it be this time I get it right

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I am chuffed to present Backwash, a podcast by Adam Robot and I.

Episode 16:

iTunes link / Google Play Music link

1. Flea's National Anthem / WrestleMania Tweets
2. Marijuana Serving Sizes / License Plate Frames / Draymond Green
3. Star Wars Noobs vs. Prank Conversations / Your vs. You're / Jews vs. Nazis
4. Black and White / Marvel's What If
5. Emo Equivalents / Every FX Original Series

recorded on April 10/17, 2016

Adam Robot: Jesus. This recording is so old I reference Prince and he was ALIVE at the time.
Jon: You are the GRRM of podcast editing.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. The Day After (The Americans, S04E09)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • A gay boy whose sexuality is unacknowledged (Bob's Burgers, S06E16)
  • "The true history of the world is the history of great conversations in elegant rooms." (Game of Thrones, S06E03)
  • A fart joke (Game of Thrones, S06E03)
  • "My watch has ended." (Game of Thrones, S06E03)
  • "This meeting cannot make it past the school book depository."
    "I'm loading my gun and heading to the sixth floor." (Veep, S05E03)
  • "This is like that famous scene from the movie Heat. You know, with De Niro and Brenneman." (Veep, S05E03)
  • "Take your romance, and your memories, which are a most kind fiction, and go." (Penny Dreadful, S03E02)
  • "There's only seven types of stories: Man vs. man, man vs. dog, dog vs. zombie, James Bond, stories of kings and lords, women over 50 finding themselves after divorce, aaaand car commercial." (New Girl, S05E21)
  • ♫: Langhorne Slim and the Law – "Changes" (New Girl, S05E21)

(Grandfathered, S01E22)

  • Grandfathered Season Grade: C
  • New Girl Season Grade: C
  • The Grinder Season Grade: C
  • "Oh, and watch out. My sister has herpes." (Empire, S02E17)
  • "A real dog can always tell a fake bitch." (Empire, S02E17)
  • "How do you know I ain't turn him into my little bitch? He came on to me. I ain't come on to him."
    "Exactly. I bet you he's on top." (Empire, S02E17)
  • "The day you die from AIDS, I'm gon' celebrate." (Empire, S02E17)
  • "Does he look fat?"
    "The TV adds 10 pounds. Plus, he broke his diet." (Empire, S02E17)

(Empire, S02E17)

  • "Why would you undo all the good that you've done? Don't Phantom Menace yourself." (Black-ish, S02E23)
  • ♫: Rae Sremmurd – Unlock the Swag (Black-ish, S02E23)
  • Straight-up porn! (The Americans, S04E09)
  • ♫: Yaz – "Winter Kills" (The Americans, S04E09)
  • ♫: Deutschland 83's theme music (The Americans, S04E09)
  • "My bush looks like I'm sitting on Jerry Garcia's face." (Archer, S07E07)
  • "We're taking him to a strip club."
    "Give my regards to all the molestees." (Archer, S07E07)
  • "I suppose this is as attractive as these two are ever going to be."
    "Unless we can find some mole's blood."
    "I have some. Oh, wait, this is vole's blood." (Archer, S07E07)
  • The Amazing Race Season Grade: D-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The People v. O.J. Simpson
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets


Thirsty Thursday, I'll drink away my demons

Adam Robot and I recorded a 2016 summer film draft for our podcast, which is now on Google Play Music, and…

Jon: Oof. This is dire radio. We needed more people.
Jon: I'm-a re-purpose it for Adam Riff™.

On May 1, Adam Robot and I each drafted 10 films set for release between May 1 and August 31. Whoever's slate earns the most money domestically by Labour Day wins. I won a pre-draft game of rock-paper-scissors to select Captain America: Civil War first, after which we alternated selections.

Let's check the board:

1. Captain America: Civil War – $206,192,138
2. Finding Dory
3. Suicide Squad
4. Independence Day: Resurgence
5. Star Trek Beyond
6. Jason Bourne
7. Now You See Me 2
8. The Purge: Election Year
9. The Conjuring 2
10. The Secret Life of Pets

Adam Robot
1. The BFG
2. Alice Through the Looking Glass
3. X-Men: Apocalypse
4. Ghostbusters
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
6. Warcraft
7. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising
8. Pete's Dragon
9. Central Intelligence
10. Ice Age: Collision Course

[rubs hands] Methinks the ref will have to stop this fight.

That Adam Robot selected The BFG with his first pick flabbergasted me. Finding Dory just fell into my lap.

He says everyone he knows is stoked for The BFG. I say James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, and Fantastic Mr. Fox all did not recoup their budgets domestically — fool's Roald.

I'll update after Memorial Day weekend, when Adam Robot's second and third picks go head-to-head.

Tear gas Tuesday, I think I found Jesus

Jon: Does this band know that its name is misspelled?

Rory: It's a stylistic choice?
Jon: To look like idiots? For Google to show results for "The Millennium" instead?

Rory: Maybe The Millennium with two Ns was taken.

Jon: According to Wikipedia, The Millennium with two Ns was a band, that released only one album, in 1968. I'm pretty sure The Millenium with one N could've been The Millennium with two Ns without any confusion.

Rory: Maybe they liked the name "The Millennium," but couldn't trademark it, like why Sci Fi became Syfy.

Live-Thog: Captain America: Civil War

» Who the heck wants to see a film about a drilling rig explosion/oil spill?

» This is unreadable.

» Wow, they filmed in Nigeria? [Update: Nope. It's actually Atlanta.]

» Why did Scarlet Witch direct Crossbones into the building instead of into open air?

» Holy de-aging. Why not Harrison Ford as young Han Solo?

» Community Easter egg.

» How did this black woman know that Tony Stark would exit her way?

» Chadwick Boseman's African accent is…not good.

» I don't buy the blast radius of that news van bomb.

» Dear Beloved Friend,
I am T'Challa son to late King T'Chaka of Wakanda who was murdered during a recent bombing in Vienna in May 2016, before the incident, my late Father came to Cotonou Benin republic with the sum of USD4, 200,000.00 (US$4.2M) which he deposited in a Bank here in Cotonou Benin Republic West Africa for safe keeping.
I am here seeking for an avenue to transfer the fund to you in only you're reliable and trustworthy person to Investment the fund.

» Scarlet Witch tasted the paprikash and then put the spoon back in the pot. Unsanitary!

» Aunt May is Benjamin Button.

» The actor playing Spider-Man reminds me of Anton Yelchin.

» Scarlet Witch's change of heart to leave with Hawkeye…

» I'm still not sure what, exactly, Scarlet Witch's powers are.

» This airport sure evacuated quickly. Absolutely no one stuck around?

"Look, kid, there's a lot going on here that you don't understand."
"Stark said you'd say that."

» Peter Parker is too smart to be blindly following someone. And what are Ant-Man's motivations?

» Where is Nick Fury during all of this?

» Paul Rudd in supermax is an odd sight.

» A Mark Fuhrman reference. It truly is the year of O.J. Simpson.

» Did the bad guy go to all that trouble just to obtain a videotape? Because he could've just sent video of Bucky killing Stark's parents to Stark. The end result would've been the same. Iron Man seeks revenge, Captain America defends his friend.

» Don Cheadle was only available for two days, evidently.